Soul-inspired “habits”.

.

I am a recovering addict from “personal development world”.

I have been in this ‘addiction’ for a few years so far. Definitely at the beginning, just like any addiction, it was fun, exotic, refreshing and oh gosh, how inspiring and opening the doors to a wider and broader, and even more adventurous, world!

However, the more I was getting swept into it, the more side-effects I could see.

.

Don’t take me wrong. Every one of us is on the different level of personal growth and on a different page in our book called “Life”. I believe I wouldn’t be here without being ‘there’. I believe that we are in the place where we are because of the circumstances and experiences we lived through.

So today personal development and self-help have a totally different meaning & connotation to me than in the past.

.

There is no universal ‘definition’ for those. You take it as you feel is right for you!

.

For me, personal development got to the point where I felt rather restricted, limited and kind of paralyzed rather than actually growing. Some aspects made me cringe, others made me back off, so I started exploring. I knew there is something there for me to explore.

Why didn’t I feel inspired, empowered and growing anymore, as I used to?

Just like people ask me why don’t I workout obsessively, diet restrictively and live the fitness lifestyle I used to.

.

I just simply outgrown all of that!

Here is my thing. The force, restrictions, rules, shoulds, expectations, resistance, obsession, push through, work hard, sleep less, and hustle just DO NOT work for me anymore. Artificial vision boards without actual feelings behind don’t mean anything to me. Wake up early, work late nights, don’t sleep – it is just a big no-no for me.

And that’s me!

Even though the definition of “development’ is: the process of developing or being developed; and the synonyms are: evolution, growth, maturing, expansion, or progress; I still prefer today to use the term “personal growth” or blossoming and blooming.

Today that self-work for me is oriented around how I want to feel while accomplishing my desires, what makes me feel lighten up, and how I can see and also create more abundance in my life.

  • It is about feeling in alignment with my values and priorities.
  • It is about feeling true with my actions.
  • It is being in peace with my decisions.
  • It is about knowing that ‘no’ is ‘no’ and ‘yes’ is ‘yes’.
  • It is about saying ‘hell yes’ when I am ready for.
  • And saying ’heck no’ to create healthy boundaries.
  • It is about being in a creative mode, without rush, rules or attachment.
  • It is about letting go of what doesn’t serve me.
  • It is about being in flow with my energies.
  • And it is about freaking rest, sleep and taking it at the pace which is right for me, not for the world.

.

Today I would like to share with you the list of soul-inspired ‘habits’, ‘action steps’, or simple personal commitments to myself (whatever name you resonate with).

  • To have a pure, quiet, grounding and filled with gratitude time for myself and my soul in the morning and in the evening before bed.
  • To have a screen-free hour before bad to prepare my brain and body for the deserved deep rest.
  • To dance every day to move energies through and feel joyful.
  • To read and/or write poetry to feed my soul.
  • To walk to nature and connect with it in order to feel grounded and as a part of the Mother Earth.
  • To detox from social media at least a couple of days a week to create more space for my own thoughts, inspirations, inner voice, and emotions.
  • To have tea or kakao ritual to feel celebrated, acknowledged, and expensive.
  • To read a book and listen to the podcast which feed my heart, soul, and mind rather than make me fall into the comparison/anxiety trap.

.

Those make me feel empowered, expensive, hopeful, grateful, passionate, and inspired. Those truly fill my wholeness with love, kindness, expansion, compassion and sacredness.

.

What would be your soul-inspiring ‘action step’ you could set up for yourself?

.

LOve ❤️❤️❤️

.

YOU CAN WATCH MORE ABOUT THIS on my YouTube channel in the beYOUtiful episode #23!

.

.

Advertisements

The Food and Workout tracking experiment – what an AHA-Moment!

.

I haven’t tracked any food or workouts for 16 months!

SO WHAT? What’s the big deal?

.

It is a huge deal once I tell you that I was bulimic and anorexic, had an obsessive approach to workouts and was tracking every pinch of salt or cinnamon!

That 16 months ago, I hit a wall. I was extremely tired and sick physically, ready to be hospitalized due to extreme bulimia. I seriously couldn’t hold a single meal. All due to the obsessive and distorted vision of my own body and of how I “should” look like to be loved, admired, appreciated and perceived as an amazing trainer or coach!

I tracked every single pinch of spices, salt and measured EVERYTHING obsessively for over 4 years (and when I couldn’t measure, I either didn’t eat or I purged to not track it). I tracked all activities, including workouts, calories burned, including cleaning, sex and who knows what, so I could subtract that from eaten food.

Pretty sick, isn’t it?

How did I manage to break that pattern? In this case, already a mental disorder?

.

Imagine the situation when you hit the wall not the first time, but maybe 10th or 50th time and you are simply too tired, too sick and too depressive to keep going. Yet there is that “tiny, little, silent, almost not possible to hear” voice keeping you at the level of “let’s try, one more time, pleaseeeeeee”.
I hit that exact moment!

.

In my book “The True Identity” [publishing Summer 2019] I wrote:

“November 2017, a day that started just like any of the others. (…) After yet another purging incident I went to a room where there was a huge mirror. For the last couple of months, I had avoided mirrors, hating what I saw. I didn’t know what made me look on this particular day but the image I saw this time wasn’t the extra small ‘fat’ girl but a person who was full of hatred, more hatred than anyone on this planet should be carrying.

The hate in my eyes was unbelievably huge. Words couldn’t fully express the view I saw.

(…) I have never seen my eyes in such deep darkness. They gazed straight at me and didn’t want to give up until I felt the hurt, they were showing me. They didn’t blink, holding me to the deep darkness of hate they expressed. The lightning coming from them was blinding me. They reminded me of how hateful I was. How ugly of a person I was. How worthless, miserable and pitiful I was.

I wanted to turn my head away from the image I saw. However, I simply couldn’t as someone was holding my head and telling me ‘look at yourself, look at who you have become, think about who you will be if you keep going along this path’.

My body tensed, my hands and fingers squeezing so hard that my knuckles went white. My fingers became impatient, wanting to start scratching my skin. I wanted to hurt myself, feel the pain on the physical side of it. I wanted to rip my skin away and keep scratching until I bled.

On that day the most magical phrase came out of my mouth.

‘I need help. I can’t do this by myself. Please help me’.

I cried as I realized that my stomach hurt. I was still hungry and I kept thinking that I shouldn’t eat anything anymore. I cried because deep inside of me I knew this is not the way it should be. I knew, in my heart, that this was not the true me. Deep inside of me, I knew, I had a mental eating disorder and that I could be cured.

I knew that there was no pill for it. The need for external validation, approval or feeling loved was not being helpful either.

The first thing I needed to do was to decide that enough is enough. Then I needed to ask for help.”

.

So, fast forward, 16 months later, after not tracking a single spoon or sip of any food, I pulled up the app and … started again.
.

But wait. This time I did it fully conscious, after thinking about it for a few days. I wanted to do it NOT for the sake of restricting my nutrition or putting myself back again in that mental, deprivation, restriction and obsessive mindset!

.

I wanted to do that to test – myself, my ability to listen to my body, to see how my inner wisdom is guiding me and how that entire ‘tracking’ thing will make me feel.

**** Don’ take me wrong. I ask and encourage and even start the nutritional coaching with my clients from tracking. For the sake of building the awareness around what kind of food goes into their bodies, what type of foods are in their programs, what to eat and buy, and what foods make them feel bad or energized. It is also a way to create the habit of being aware of healthier food choices. However, I always make sure it is not getting into the obsessive addiction when my clients feel that they ‘need to’ or ‘should’ track because otherwise their worth is diminished. That is not the case and I monitor that closely! ****

.

And AHA-MOMENT came with that experiment!

  • I felt pissed off at first – how come the app and the device tell me what MY body needs and how MY body should eat?
  • Then I felt scattered and little confused as for how the algorithms in these apps are made to create the ‘perfect’ calories in-and-out plan so people can follow it and feel better or.. worthy – that was not what I wanted the app to tell me! That is now what the app’s role is anyways!
  • Additionally, I ignored the app. According to it in the middle of the day, when I was hungry and wanted to give my body healthy foods, the app told me to stop because I was having too much of that and too little of that. Oh well, I turned it off and followed the wiser wizard I have ever known – MY BODY!

.

At the end of the day, I know that tracking taught me something and that it’s not anymore my thing.

It taught me:

  • Discipline
  • Awareness around foods and nutrition
  • Consistency
  • Perseverance
  • Commitment
  • Creating a daily habit to journal.

.

It is not anymore my thing because:

  • I listen to my body more
  • I feel what my body needs
  • I am aware of my healthy choices
  • I am very tuned in to my body
  • I am aligned and confident with who I am
  • I am confident with my food choices
  • I am into health, not restrictions
  • I know my worth
  • I don’t need an app to tell me all of the above!!!!

.

And after you read this blog, all I want YOU to get out of it is that YOU too can live that way.

.
Because I believe that restrictions, deprivation, obsessions, dieting, over-training and seeking external validation of self-worth never worked and will never work.

Until one taps within their own bodies and create the lifestyle where the authentic wellbeing, with physical, mental, emotional & spiritual health, is the priority.

No app, no diet, no magic pill, no wrap, no quick fix are the solutions. At least not sustainable.

.

Your job is your choice!
My job is to bring awareness to the world and to YOU!

.
I talked about that on my beYOUtiful Show episode #22. So worth to listen!
.
P.S. I am so grateful for that experiment and that realization!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


❤️
❤️
❤️
❤️

Do you know what it means to protect your energy?

** It means putting your experience, feelings, and happiness before others’ (which can be hard for people pleasers).

** It means being more aware of the relationships and dynamics in your life.
It means spending your time with those who respect your boundaries, time and self-care.

** It means spending your time with people who light you up, appreciate you, help you grow, and bring out the best in you.

** It means to nurture your wellbeing (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) before others’.



“` If you have people in your life who are toxic, and you consistently feel depleted after spending time with them – set boundaries and stop sacrificing your energy and happiness for theirs.

“` If you are committed to the situations, events, and actions which drag you down and make you feel less than, set the boundaries, create the safe space and protect your happiness and energies!

—- If it feels good and calm on your soul and heart, it’s good for your energy. —-

—- If it’s depleting and dragging, it’s bad for your energy and you need to change or shift things ❤️ —-

….

Let me share the story with you:

For the last couple of years, I have been experiencing and feeling more like introvert, an empath or highly sensitive person. For the person who used to be very outgoing, social and extroverted, that felt very uncomfortable at first. And it didn’t stop right away.

One day, one of my energy healer (for your info, I am supported today with the spiritual coach, energy healer and practitioner, naturopath, period and natural fertility coaches, and therapist) indicated that I need some protection.

‘Protection from what?’ – I asked.
‘Protection of your energies and aura from everything you are taking on’ – she replied

Then she went on explaining how being a highly sensitive person and empath and serving others, we tend to take lots of people’s energies, emotions and charge they carry onto us, without realizing that. Until we find ourselves in the emotional hole, where we feel depleted, tired, exhausted and even unmotivated or depressed.

It totally made sense to me!!!

I always was a sensitive person, who wanted to care for everyone. When I saw a homeless person, I cried. When I saw a poor person, I was giving all my lunch. When I saw a clean lady, I was the next day bringing my clothes for her kids. I truly cared and care a lot

And I truly take a lot on me, because I want to help…

…because I want this world to be better, kind, loving!

So after that, I started studying what being an empath and highly sensitive person means. And how I can protect myself as that person.

There are many tools out there, including books, blogs, videos and I am one of them sharing these with you today as well.

Today I use few tools. I do NOT use all of them at the same time, not even during the same day. I use what calls my name and what feels like it’s going to help me. I developed them, brought them into my life or adopted from others, just as I was connecting and working with myself.

Use your own body, heart, and intuition, and chose what YOU feel resonating with. Most importantly, use what makes you feel coming back home and being safe after you apply some of the tools you chose for self.

And I invite you to explore! Exploration and curiosity are the best companions to rediscovering our authentic welling and true identity.

….

Tools I use:

Cord Cutting and Grounding practice.

This is the simplest practice which can be done ANYWHERE, even in public or in the car. It brings you back right to the spot where you are and disconnect from anything what affected your aura at that moment. Highly recommended!! I adopted that from my spiritual women’s coach Elizabeth DiAlto. She has that amazing practice on her website here: https://wildsoulmovement.com/energy-hygiene/

Meditation and Breathing practice.

This can be done within a couple of minutes to a longer time, as you need. Go with your own needs and feelings. If you need some silent moment when you breath deeply, do it. If you just want to do some breathing with minor stretches, do it. If it feels like guided meditation, go for it. If it feels like an hour silent sitting, do it too. Or maybe calming music with deep breathing and grounding. Whatever it feels like, it is your body which dictates how much of a help it needs. Listen to it and give it to it, It will thank you soon after!

Prayers, affirmations and mantras.

This can be used with your own preferences too. Prayers, I believe, are not limited to any religion or church. I believe that every time we surrender, ask for help and simply talk to the Highest Self, the Universe or any other animated energies of this world (use your own names, whichever resonate with you) – we pray. If praying makes you feel not comfortable, use affirmations and mantras when you need it. Talk to yourself in the most kind and compassionate way – imagine talking to a little kid in front of you!

Salt baths and showers.

After very draining day, when I truly feel depleted, I do salt bath or shower. For bath I use 2-4 cups of table or Himalayan salt. The Epsom salt is great for physical issues and muscle soreness, but not much energetical cleanse. When I take shower, I use sea salt soap (get some from truly a great organic source). I clean the palms of my hands and bottoms of my feet, as these are the entry and exit of so much energy, as well as the solar plexus area (between your breast and belly button) – this spot truly is a huge connector to all energetical things happening around us. This time could be also a great time to ground yourself by doing some breathing, maybe calming music or simply dancing. Whatever feels great for you!

Sage and Palo Santo cleanse.

I use these for clearing the space around me. It is a very ancient way of clearing the energy around us and within us. When I have time, these accompany other practices, to help cleanse what I cut cords with. As well as create the safe and energetically clean space for the rest of the time, for instance before calls with clients or creative work. It seriously can be done anywhere. You can purchase the sage or Palo Santo sprays and use those on-the-go. I love their smell and I use it every single time I have access too, which is.. daily!

The sage/Palo Santo I am using I get here: https://www.groveandgrotto.com/

Salt.

Yes, you read it right. Salt is the best element (crystal, rock) to use in any way to clear the space around and to protect yourself as you go with your day. Sprinkle the threshold of your home to prevent the negativity entering your home. Sprinkle corners of your rooms, your altar or put some under the meditation pillow. Put some into a little bag and place it in your car, purse or wallet. Use for baths, drinking water and washing hands. Yes, just like that!

Protection mojo bag.

Create your own mini bag to carry with you or have it in places where you get exposed to many different energies the most. Get some little black fabric (cotton or other natural preferable), and place there some salt crystals, smoky or clear quartz crystal, some bay and rosemary leaves, juniper berries, and sprinkle with rosemary or oregano essential oil. Use some black ribbon, wrap it up and there you have it, a great mini-protection tool for yourself!

The salt products, herbs, and crystals can be found: https://www.groveandgrotto.com/, http://www.herbsandarts.com/ & https://www.mountainroseherbs.com/

Essential oils and herbs.

I did plenty of studies to find out what herbs I could use to either burn in my caldron, or drink in my tea or simply place on my altar or in my mojo bag. I found that rosemary, bay leaves, juniper berries, cilantro, clove and oregano are the ones to use.

The same goes with essential oils (which I use either topically in coconut oil, as aromatherapy, or as spray dissolved with Witch Hazel tonic). The ones I am using are from doTerra (https://www.doterra.com/US/en/site/izabelachrobak1):

Birch, Cilantro, Clove, Rosemary, Vetiver, Myrrh, Frankincense, Lemongrass, Melaleuca;

and blends: Purify, Balance, and Past Tense.

I hope that this very compact and complete list of the tools for energetical cleansing and protection will serve you.

I hope that you will find something that resonated with you and can help you in the process of creating space which feels safe and at home, whenever you need it!

I am curious if you have some of your personal practices. I would love to hear about them!

Write it in your comment or DM on my Instagram @authenticwellbeing or in the private FB women’s space Authentic Wellbeing (join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/AuthenticWellbeing/).

Disclaimer: I am receiving commission only on essential oils (once the provided website is used), all other stores I deeply and honestly suggest due to the high quality of service and products (I personally use them frequently).

I talked about this in the beYOUtiful Show episode #19 🙂

Love ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

..

.

The Moment

Just writing this here on Monday, in February 2019, to remember.

The morning when I woke up without alarm clock, on my own terms, after getting an amazing nine hours of full night sleep. I remember feeling rejuvenated, fresh and ready to embark on my day.

—–

The morning tea, which I made with a tint of gratitude for my own herbs, hot water and electricity to be able to make that water boiling. The smell of the mint tea, just like in my mini herbal garden, made me feel relaxed and excited to sip on it.

—–

The morning routine the bathroom, where while changing I could express deep and loving gratitude for my body. Knowing where I came from and how hateful I was towards that creation, made me extremely thankful today and put smile on my face.

—–

The natural, organic and herbal salve for my face, which smelled beautifully and made me content with how I am choosing my cosmetics for my precious skin and body. That moment made my soul happy, too.

—–

The journaling and tracking my body’s physical, emotional, mental and spiritual qualities and seeing the pattern associated with my natural cycle. Just knowing that all nature, and me being part of it, lives in cyclical pattern, was very empowering.

—–

The morning breath, pause and movement, which brought me back to my body and to a present moment soothing my anxieties and stress. There would always be stress out there, but I knew that I could tap into trust and awareness at any time, that I have a choice and I could make it into a wonderful day.

—–

The content creating for my newsletter and my audience, where I truly could write with a full expression of myself and my voice, bringing into life powerful message that you all could resonate with and feel that are enough and worthy. This has been sparking my life since some time and I was beyond happy to do that.

—–

The music which could ease out any tense sensations, giving the opportunity for my hips to shake and move in any way they wanted. Engaging with it brought my body relief I craved since this morning, and other mornings, too.

—–

The workshop lead by life-changing, empowering and the most authentic woman I ever met, which created the space filled with energies of safety, openness and full expression of oneself. I couldn’t be more appreciative to be a part of such a circle.

—–

The meditation practice, when I could cry and smile, feel expansion and contraction, or sense stress and relief. During moments like that I know what trust, surrender and release is. During moments like that I know what self-love, compassion and gentleness is. Just being in that feeling when hurt is hurt and joy is joy, without overanalyzing, or putting labels of ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Priceless.

—–

The silence where I could hear my thoughts, my heart pounding, and my deepest and rooted true authentic self. The silence so quiet that it could trigger others, but me. It put a gentle arm around me comforting me, soothing and nurturing my heart, enlightening my soul and bringing joy to my craving Inner Child.

—–

I want to remember that the more love and time and energy and attention and generosity and kindness I give to myself, the more those things are available to give to others. ❤️

It is safe for me to be ME!

❤️

❤️

HOMESICK

One day I got homesick.

I haven’t seen my family, which is back in Europe, for almost 6 years. Due to many reasons, personal, professional, financial and other.

Today I got seriously home sick. I missed my Mom. I couldn’t stop crying, tears were dropping uncontrollably. They were releasing so much sadness. The deep longing for reconnecting to the woman who carried me in her womb, who raised me and who feels what I feel, was overwhelming.

It came suddenly, unplanned.

Yet, it was totally planned. Nothing happens without a reason. The Universe has its ways to communicate!

I don’t have kids. I wanted at some point in my life. But due to hormonal problems, such as PCOS, I knew I will either have difficulties to get pregnant or never be able to have kids. After trying for over one and a half years with my ex-husband, I gave up. In order for me to not get depressed, I convinced my mind and heart that it is ok. That I am sick and I can always enjoy the children in my family, among my friends and around me. I even volunteered for children mentorship organizations to fulfill what was missing in my life.

Whenever someone asked me about kids, my answer was very fast and straightforward: I don’t want to have kids. I won’t be a good mother and I believe I am being a more responsible person by not having them rather than giving them a bad example and a bad family.

The emotions about having one were scary, fearful, even to the point of being disgusted.

I also felt that I love my space.  I like living luxury life. I like being by myself. Kids would just destroy my beautiful, well organized environment which I could live by myself according to myself.

Recently, the situation in my relationship forced me to discuss the potential pregnancy with my fiancée. I am not sure why did I even ask about what we will do if that happens. I quickly concluded that I am having an abortion in that case. There is no space for a kid in my life. No, no, no.

Yet, the other day I wasn’t able to purchase a pregnancy test in the store. For the first time in my life all I could feel was my heart saying that all of it is in God’s and the Universe’s hands.

I came back home and I started crying.

Cried and cried, not knowing why at first.

I missed my mom!

I realized that I didn’t want to have kids, ever in my life, because I didn’t want them to hurt me as I hurt my mom.

I didn’t want them to leave me behind and abandon me as I did to my mom.

Since I was little, I knew my mission was to protect my mom. Protect her from my abusive dad. I saw her too often on the floor bleeding from kicks and punches from my dad. All I could do to protect her then was to make sure my younger siblings were quiet so my dad wouldn’t punish my mom even more. I knew I was helping her.

I was protecting her from abusive words during the family events, where my dad could call her a whore in front of hundreds of people. Her tears were my tears, her dishonored person was mine to carry.

I was protecting her every single time I could. And if there was a moment I couldn’t it was because I wasn’t present.

Then I left to college. I left her!

I left her in the place where there was no love for her. I left her with a person I deeply hated. I left her alone and weak, sad and depressed, yet so strong that she allowed me to go. With a smile on her face, eyes full of hope, body language expressing deep love and pain at the same time, she sent me to the outside world. That way I could go there and get an education and be an independent woman and a kind person to even my enemies, serve others and always forgive, as she forgave my father a long time ago.

How could she possibly do that?

How?

Because she is the strongest woman on this planet I have ever known.

Today, knowing how I hurt her, I know I don’t want to feel that hurt myself. I don’t want my kid to abandon me.

I don’t want my kid to tell me one day that she doesn’t want to live anymore. Because I did that, too, to my mom on my birthday, when she called me at the exact same time I was born 37 years earlier. I told her that I want to die, and I should have never been born.

I can just feel the sharp pain in her heart. Yet, she didn’t even move. She didn’t panic. She didn’t cry. That wonderful woman said words I will never forget.

‘Your birth gave me hope and it always will. So today I am telling you that there is hope! Stay with me baby girl and we both will make it work!’

– my MOM

So today I know that in order to love, forgive and live with hope, kindness, compassion and unlimited strength in my heart and soul, I need to feel pain, experience hurt and tears and keep moving. Through pain there is healing. Through pain I can become the true and authentic, loving and beautiful woman my Mom always wanted me to be. Just like her! And always loving my enemies! Just like her!

Today I am grateful for what I am being given, the wonderful gift of life, the wonderful Mother and the opportunity to give life and be a mother myself as well. Whatever it is meant for me to give birth to!

I LOVE YOU MOM!  ❤️

.

Where is this freaking self-love coming from?

How many times did you ask yourself that question?

I did at least a million times.

I saw all these beautiful posts, mantras, affirmations, illustrations, quotes, poems, books and posters, and all I did was nodding my head and repeating after them – ‘oh yes, yes, I know… yes, I love myself, yes, I care about myself’ – over and over again.

Oh gosh, how they didn’t resonate with me.

Oh gosh, how they didn’t sound familiar to me at all.

The more I immersed myself into it, the more frustrated I was getting.

What is all about that self-love?

How one can freaking actually love themselves?

It simply didn’t click at all.

I felt at times, like either my mind didn’t get it, or I did something wrong, or simply – self-love doesn’t exist. It was all blurry-type of marketing fame and that was it all.

I was actually right, at least with the first part of my statement. My mind didn’t get it because self-love is not mind’s job. Period!

Honestly, anytime my mind started spinning its chatter, I seriously needed to seat with it and make sure it shuts up so I could do my thing.

I was also right with the second part of my statement, that I was doing something wrong.

I was actually doing everything upside down, and all over again. I got myself in such a bundle of wires and knots that there was no way to see it through. I got to that point that I needed to scream loud to ask for help. I was doing all of it wrong, including self-help tools I intenden to use.

Self-love is the easiest thing ever if we let it be!!!

Self-love, as the name indicates, comes from within. WITHIN!

Read that again. From inside of you!

It doesn’t come from artificial affirmations which someonetold us to use, and you have no clue even how to embody them.

Self-love doesn’t come from a million self-care practices, amazing spa weekends and red roses.

Self-love doesn’t come from being needy and expecting others to make you happy. How unfair is that!

So where is it coming from, huh?

Here is my answer:

I was looking for self-love in money and a great job. And it didn’t show up. I was looking for it in validation, cuddles and external love from boyfriends and it didn’t show up either. I was looking for it even in the healthy lifestyle industry, by being fit, eating well, looking sexy, desired and admirable…. Well, it didn’t show up in there as well.

The more I was ‘looking’ for, the more I was discovering that it may actually not exists.

The beautiful self-love, that one I truly desired, and wanted to be a part of my life, was nowhere to be seen.

How did I want the self-love to show up in my life?

  • I wanted to be depression-free so I could have life purpose to get up every day.
  • I wanted to be suicidal-thoughts-free so I could appreciate the gift of life.
  • I wanted to be bulimia-free so I could be grateful for the body which did so much for me every day.
  • I wanted to be self-hatred-free so I could freaking finally love myself.

Purely. Unconditionally. Confidently. Authentically. Joyfully.

It came to me.

It came in a form I would have never expected.

Oh, how sad and mad, frustrated and angry, disappointed and upset I was.

And at the same time, how relieved I felt. How happy, truly, purely, authentically and joyfully happy!

It came in the form of the love from WITHIN.

❤ The moment when I cried feeling sadness, but I sat with it to understand why I was sad.

❤ The moment when I was alone with myself and stayed there to experience who I was.

❤ The moment when I joyfully danced and jumped in the park knowing that this made my heart smile.

❤ The moment when saying ‘NO’ was a blissful experience.

❤ The moment when I saw my depression as a cry of my soul to be loved and appreciated.

❤ The moment when the most important relationship I wanted to nurture was with myself first.

❤ The moment when my childhood abuse memories were coming back and I thanked them for showing up.

❤ The moment when I rebuild the connection with my Inner Child and saw her pain caused by me.

❤ The moment when looking at my naked body wasn’t filled with willingness to self-violate anymore.

❤ The moment when I was literally apologizing for every part of my body for abusing it for so long.

❤ The moment when I got my first period after over 15 years of faking it and getting rid of.

❤ The moment when I enjoyed being braless because I finally loved my femininity.

❤ The moment when I became a friend with my pain, weakness and mistakes – being grateful for their teachings.

❤ The moment when I literally could touch, smell and even taste my own blood knowing that this is freaking me.

And that will be me. Until I die.

Did I want to treat myself and my Inner Child in the abusive way as I was abused in my past?

Did I want to waste my body, my soul and heart because I didn’t see it as it ‘should be’?

No. Not anymore.

I understood.

That was me. That is me. Whole. Unique. Myself. With my ebbs and flows. With my vulnerabilities and superpowers. Enough. Loved. Joyful.

Me. My body, my cycle, my blood, my creative being!

Me. Naked. Dancing. Braless. Beautiful. Blissful. Sad and happy.

All of it and even more. ME.

This is a pure love I was longing for all my life!

It came to me!

And I was ready for her!

I want to express here the deepest gratitude that most of it wouldn’t be obtained without the help of amazing coaches and mentors I had on the path to rediscovering myself and ‘finding’that love which was truly always here, within. With some of them, I worked in person, being a part of their programs and tribes, and some of them impacted me very powerfully via their books, materials, podcasts and self-expression viadifferent platforms. 
Zlata Sushchik, Melinda Collins, Samantha Skelly, ElizabethDiAlto, Claire Baker, Danielle LaPorte, Gabby Bernstein, Red School with Alexandra Pope & Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer as the founders, Lisa Lister, and many more I haven’t listed, yet being so empowering on the journey to my own femininity.

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

The new approach to self-care

We all know what self-care is, don’t we? There are many blog posts out there to teach us how to take care of self by getting a new haircut, manicure, or even a bath with essential oils. We all like to take care of that beautiful appearance of our bodies, and that makes us feel worthy, wanted, loved and fulfilled.

However, the next day, when the haircut gets messy, and the beautiful aroma of the bath is gone, we come back to the realization of being unworthy, fearful, unconfident and wanting more from life. Where is that magical benefit of the self-care practices we just put so much effort (and money) into?

It’s gone. It is gone as anything else what treats the surface layer of the problem and never digs deeper. Why would we want to even dig deeper to discover that there is more to work on, maybe more painful and little less pretty?

Self-care is the care of self. And the ‘SELF’ consists of more than just the physical appearance and the body. Don’t take me wrong, it is very important to take care of the external body as well – we want to be fit, healthy, look pretty and attractive! It is actually necessary!

However, there is much more to it than we ever thought.

There are your mindset, your heart, and your spirit, which are craving your attention and a little bit of your time to get the care and nourishment you are giving right now to just the physical body!

I am talking about mental, emotional and spiritual self-care!

 

Today I would love to share with you why the other three layers of self-care are important and how to implement them in your everyday life!

 

Mental self-care

It is crucial to work on the mindset and self-talk in your life. Directing that mindset of yours onto the most positive and empowering path every single time is crucial for the wellbeing. The brain is the most flexible organ when it comes to training, rewiring and reprogramming its functions. The mindset is what creates your reality, and the thinking process is what will propel you to take actions you need to grow and progress in any area of your life.

Start today with daily affirmations and mantras. Catch yourself when thoughts are creeping in to tell you that you can’t do it and rewire them into the ones telling you that you are worthy and capable of doing it. Practice complimenting yourself every day, for every single thing you have or you did. Positive pep-talk is what will bring your mindset awareness of where you are headed to. Be mindful of how you talk about yourself to others, too.

 

Emotional self-care

Emotions and feelings are present in your life every day. There are no bad or good emotions. They are here to serve their purpose: to teach you, redirect your attention to another point or warn you about the upcoming events. It is very important that you give yourself the time to check in with your body and your emotions every single day. It is crucial to give your body the necessary care when it needs, especially when the emotions are very painful or overwhelming.

Practice that by starting your day with single-word body check-in: how do I feel today in my body? Once you recognize what it is that you feel, observe it, get curious why is it there. Don’t judge, rather ask yourself what you can do today to strengthen that emotion, honor it or make yourself feel better despite the pain. Journaling is a beautiful practice to let all of it go out of your mind and heart, pour it onto the paper during free-writing and distance yourself from it. Once that’s done you can see how your emotions don’t identify you, rather teach you some message or lesson. Be open to it, kind and acknowledge the fact that you are feeling them. Emotions are like the clouds on the beautiful blue sky.

 

Spiritual self-care

The spirituality is the connection with your highest self. It is literally taking care of being true and real, as the highest self would love to be. It is taking care of your deep needs; your alignment, lightness, freedom and what sparks your life every day. Without that deepest connection, the other layers of self-care will work for just a while until the spirit will scream for your attention again. Without the happy core which is your spirit, there is no happy heart, mind or body.

You can start doing that by meditation. However, what I found the most transformational for me is the simplest task on this planet. It is just laying down on the floor and doing nothing! As simple as that, yet extremely challenging. Stop thinking, planning, analyzing, judging. Put on hold even the emotions which you experience at that moment. Simply tell your brain and heart that right now there is a moment of silence and nothingness and just be. Another beautiful practice is the one I shared on my YouTube video, and that one is priceless! Trust me!!!

 

As you can see, the human being is little more complex than just physical body, its anatomy and physiology. It is a beautiful mind, heart and spirit and that makes you unique. The more you take care of all four layers of yourself, the more wholeness and worthiness you can bring into your existence.

 

How do you take care of yourself?

I would love to hear your ideas! Share them with us so we all can create beautiful routines and rituals for ourselves!

 

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

 

 

 

 

The letter to my body

Dear Body,

I want to start with telling you how sorry I am for who I was to you throughout last 36 years of our life.

I am sorry for seeing you as a shame, not wanting to even look at you in the mirror.

I am sorry for seeing you as fat after giving you only a little salad or stuffing you with only coffee the whole day.

I am sorry for expecting you to not be swollen, itchy or yellow-skinned after feeding you with sugar loaded crap and processed food.

I am sorry for always wanting to exchange you for something better than you were.

I am sorry for putting you through the pain of constant starvation, dieting, and purging.

I am sorry for not recognizing how amazingly you worked for me every single day without any injuries and major health issues.

I am sorry for not being content with you even after the super heavy workout routine, which didn’t leave you happy at all.

I am sorry for being disgusted by you.

I am sorry for hurting you physically.

I am sorry for using you in ways I feel ashamed of now.

I am sorry for feeling only negative emotions towards you.

I am sorry for always seeing other bodies better than you.

I am sorry for crying as soon as I saw you naked, not happy about what I saw.

I am sorry that I made myself so unhappy in you.

I am sorry for hurting you so deeply despite the love you gave me since I was born.

I am sorry…

and these apologies are the hardest I have ever expressed.

 

However, the appreciation I have today for you is unlimited.

The promise I have for you today is going to change everything.

I always wanted to be loved! You loved me unconditionally all the time.

I never did.

 

The promise is that….

I love you and will always do!!!!

Don’t value yourself based on someone else’s price of themselves…

 
Would you be able to estimate the dollar amount value of yourself?

How much would you cost?

 

Are you saying that you are priceless?

Did I hear that well?

 

Let me take you through the evaluation process of how much you may cost.

  • Cleaning lady with additional request to do laundry
  • Baby-sitter with additional request to cook for kids
  • Personal cook
  • Personal entertaining person
  • Personal grocery shopping person
  • Car cleaning and vacuuming services
  • Landscaping company
  • Home-based teacher for kids’ homework
  • Personal chauffeur
  • Personal nurse and care giver

 

Did I forget anything?

I may. I forgot the energetic actions despite the tiredness, caring smile despite the frustration. I didn’t mention the nurturing love despite self-hate and nourishment despite lack of self-care.

 

Someone said, that if women were about to receive the exact pay for every job they do, they would be the richest individuals on this planet.

 

People will judge, evaluate, estimate and tell you that you are too much, or too expensive. Well, if that is the case, look back at them and ask them, how expensive do they feel right now? What value do they bring to your life, their life or the life of others? Are THEY expensive?

 

Inexpensive in somebody’s eyes may mean a huge treasure in others eyes.

 

Let me voice this:

I am speaking to you right now, yes YOU, beYOUtiful lady!!!

 

Stop underestimating yourself.  Stop hiding. Stop apologizing for your being. Don’t dress down to blend in. Don’t shut up when you know you need to speak up. Stop saying what you think people want to hear. Stop trying to be polite and please everyone.

The real rejection is the rejection of yourself.

Love and be honest. Love and be YOU. Own your wins. Own your successes. Own your power and energy. Own your beauty and attractiveness. Own your voice. Own yourself.

YOU are expensive and you deserve to be treated that way!

YOU MATTER!

With love,

Izabela

🌹🦋🙏❤️

 

#beYOUtiful

#love #doLove

#magic #doMagic

#imatter #JustBe

 

I am HERE. I am NOW. I am ME. ❤

How to cleanse your soul through negative feelings?

My STRONG PERSONAL replay to the reaction on the post about being DOWN and MAD and SAD and HATEFUL….

 

“Do not think or act in a negative way because you are attracting negative energy”, “Be positive, everyone has problems so suck it up”, “you are beating yourself over it, don’t do that”. These expressions and others, and friends turning their back on you because you have a bad day and feel down so that means you are negative and NOBODY wants to be negative in this negative world on that negative social media timeline where everyone has problems and everyone is negative….

YOU KNOW WHAT? Take that “negative” word and put deep in the pocket and just stop seeing things as negative or positive, black or white!!!

My recent expression of being sad, mad, down and hateful towards myself brought up a lot of different responses from all my friends, dealing with sometimes extremely different life situations. YOU all have total right to feel that way, express yourself and BE YOURSELF.

Those reactions from others made me reflect a bit and now I want to tell you a little bit about it:

Yes, I was sad…. I was mad…. I was down and I was hateful towards myself. And I know I should be spreading love and smiles all day long every day, but THAT MORNING WASN’T FREAKING A GOOD MORNING!!! So what? THOSE WERE MY FEELINGS, and they were OK! I needed to express them out loud! I didn’t want to hold on them! I didn’t want to allow them to create my day, my attitude, my approach to other things which would follow after. And yes, I did want to changed them in a positive way into a positive outcome!!!

I KNEW ALL THESE THINGS!!! But, let me release it, let me be ME, allow to let those feelings go away…….

I am grateful for having those types of feelings, because they allowed me to learn how to recognize them, how to convert them in a positive way to create a great person, a great day and a great environment. I do love myself, I do believe in myself and I did forgive myself for that morning and for that moment of weakness and being down. I was just down!!!!

Hate is a strong word carrying lots of negative energy and I haven’t felt that for a long, long time. I was told by an amazing life coach to always love myself and forgive myself… but that didn’t happen that morning! Those strong emotions were deep inside of my soul…and whoever told me to stop and be kind and that my day will be bad because I am attracting the same emotions to me, was RIGHT…but somehow I couldn’t let go! I kept seeing those feelings as OK and at the same time as bad because “all my day will be bad” … and I didn’t want that….

As soon as I realized that, it popped out in my mind what another very powerful woman once said that negative feeling is OK!!!! OMG, are they really ok?

Yes, they are ok. WE ARE just HUMANS!!! We will have good days and bed days, we will feel happy, but we will also feel crappy. And that is OK!!! You as human being have right to feel bad, too. As soon as you recognize that feeling and you know that you don’t want to hold on them, it’s OK!!! Just do not let them create your world, your day, your attitude towards others and other things. It’s OK!!! I felt mad, and sad, I felt hate…it’s OK!!! I am just human! I forgive myself NOW!!!!

I promised myself that I will work around it and on it, but I will not promise myself it won’t happen again. Because I know negative feelings will happen, and I know those feelings are good, they are good in terms that they are cleaning whatever bad experiences and emotions accumulated in your body, mind, soul and heart. Just express them, let them be, recognize them, embrace them. Know, that they don’t belong to you. They are temporary. Let them sink in, do not fight them! Go back to your meditation, calming down habits and methods. Repeat: I WILL BE OK, I FORGIVE MYSELF!!!

PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED to sometimes be WEAK or make MISTAKES. And people are allowed to be different, it doesn’t make them “wrong” or “weird” …and even so…Yes, I can call myself weird, crazy, emotional, straightforward and to the point… and I can have bad feelings and down moment! That makes me just a better HUMAN because I know how to control them, how to work on them and how to make them work for me!

LESSON LEARNED: DO NOT go to bed with negative thoughts and negative mindset, do not go to face your day with negative thoughts and negative mindset. Take your time to shout out, cry out, calm down, journal, meditate, record your feelings, express your gratitude and self-love!!!

AND I am GRATEFUL for every single friend of mine who see me as perfect and imperfect person and they still love me, respect me, trust me, look up to me, appreciate me and be with me!!!

Its OK Izabelka !!

YOU got this beYOUtiful!!!! ❤