Through bulimia to self-discovery

 

I was bulimic.

I hated myself.

 

Every day, I could see all the ads on self-love and overcoming eating disorders. Women of all sizes loving themselves.

‘How do they do that?’ – I asked myself every time.

 

‘What’s that hype about self-love?’

‘How does it work?’

‘What does it actually mean?’

‘How does that even feel to love oneself?’

 

I felt like I would learn the Chinese language faster than loving myself. I couldn’t picture the day when I could possibly like myself, all of it, the body, the mind, the life I had, all of it! I had an extremely hard time imagining this feeling.

 

I expected it to feel lightning, freeing, even fulfilling. Possibly expanding. Oh goodness, what should I do to maybe – just maybe – one day love myself? For just a minute, so I could experience that unconditional love to myself.

 

And…

that day came.

It was another extreme day with bulimia. Three times purging left my body weak again. It wasn’t new to me; it shouldn’t be new to my body either. The weakness kept me from being able to hold even a book. I felt exhausted. I felt tired. All I sensed was a pain in my stomach, a stabbing headache, and burning eyes. I couldn’t cry anymore.

I sat on the bed and looked in the mirror. I saw myself, overwhelmed, tired, and in pain. My skin was grey, my eyes were matte. There was not a single sign of life in me. A smile was foreign to my face. Joy was long forgotten. Compassion, kindness, and love didn’t exist.

I had no self-love.

I wanted to rip my skin. I hated my body badly. The hate in my eyes was the worst I have ever seen. I have never hated anyone in my life as I did myself right then, not even my abusive father.

That was a typical day for me, since I was a teenager, until…

 

A breath of my soul surfaced. A tiny tap on my shoulder told me to ask for help. I had no clue what to ask for, or how someone could help me.

 

But deep in my guts, I knew I won’t handle this anymore by myself. Deep down there I felt little voice asking me to seek help. That scared voice wanted me just to try, one more time. Ask!

‘I can’t do that anymore. Please help me, whoever is out there, please. I need help!!!” – I whispered.

 

And I went to bed.

Next couple of days were very ordinary. Today I know they were very special. Things felt on my lap unexpectedly. Not even remembering how and when anything happened, I was already filling in the application for the life coaching program.

 

I trusted.

The day when I had a call with the program coach, I knew that no matter what would I need to pay for it, or what effort would I need to make, I was already in. That was my chance! That was my help! That was the answer!

 

I trusted!

I started with learning about presence. Putting myself in the present moment to ‘just be’ was at first uncomfortable, yet interesting. I tried to meditate already two years before, but now the practice took me on a totally different path. I felt anxious, but I enjoyed it, more and more.

A connection between my body and mind started to emerge. I started asking my body what it likes to do and how it feels. Feeling into the visceral ‘yes’ and ‘no’ was a huge fun. I felt like a kid who just found a toy in the sandbox.

I began to recognize that it is okay to feel. Emotions were like clouds, they would come and they would pass. They didn’t identify me. I had never felt so relieved. I knew that it was safe for me to express my feelings. I tested it even in my daily life and it worked. I was so excited!

I was able to create a relationship between pain and joy, hurt and kindness, abuse and playfulness, anxiety and compassion, and fear and trust. What a combination. What a discovery – the pain was here for me to heal. The pain was here for me to learn. Triggers and fears were my teachers! At this point, I knew my life was already changed. I felt heavenly amused.

Being alone with my thoughts, emotions, and feelings was extremely transformational. Being alone was nurturing. Focused breath work was recharging. All those tools I had with me, all the time, and I never knew how to tap into the source and use them. I was capable of being, dreaming, loving, and forgiving.

It was exciting and anxious at the same time as I connected to my Inner Child. Memories from my abusive childhood were readily accessible, yet very scary. I blocked my memories from early age. Once I started discovering them, I wanted to run away at first.

I was in a huge pain seeing the hurt and pain of my mom and siblings. I was angry at my dad. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I couldn’t focus or meditate. I cried day after day. Forgiveness of him didn’t feel accessible, yet I knew in order for me to disconnect from the past I needed to let it go.

However, through that work, my patience and acceptance of those events and emotions had grown. I started healing. I realized that forgiveness would provide me with lightness, freedom, empowerment and unlimited beautiful energy.

So, I proceeded and I succeeded. I was very proud of myself to look into my dad’s eyes and not feel hate toward him anymore. I was so happy. I knew I can love unconditionally, even abuser of my childhood. I felt compassion like never before.

 

I felt reborn as a woman and Goddess, too. I became a woman who suddenly felt her body, sensed her emotions, desired sexual pleasure, expressed her true voice, exuded confidence and sensuality. I shifted from hating every inch of my body, vagina, and breasts to wanting to be naked. I wanted to dance, make love, and touch myself. I wanted to connect to every part of my body and express my love.

 

A little tap on my shoulder on that day started a beautiful and magical process of rediscovering my true self and uncovering my femininity. Vulnerability and sensuality became my superpowers.

 

There is a helpful hand waiting for you. You just need to ask for it and be open to receiving it.

Ask for it because you deserve it.

Ask for it because your voice, gifts and Inner Child deserve to speak up and live the beautiful life of alignment and lightness!

 

Be the love and light for yourself!  Be YOU!

❤️

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The KAKAO Ceremony for focus, energy, self-love and menstrual pain release.

If you follow me long enough on my Instagram or FB page, you already figured out that KAKAO plays an important and beautiful role in my daily life.

  • But why KAKAO?
  • What is it so special about it?
  • Why do I do ceremonies around a simple ‘hot chocolate’ drink?

 

Let me introduce you to the world of KAKAO by showing you how this natural drink can be powerful for your physical body; as well as mental, emotional and spiritual life.

 

I have rediscovered cacao a month and a half ago.

In my childhood, powdered cacao was served in a form of hot chocolate, chocolate cake, chocolate pudding or ice-cream. All made of cacao powder, mixed with other natural ingredients and sweeteners such as honey. Hot cacao was also used by my mom as a home remedy for diarrhea and menstrual pains.

 

What’s the difference between CACAO and COCOA?

Raw cacao is made by cold pressing unroasted cocoa beans while cocoa powder is made by roasting the beans at high temps. When processing raw cacao, the enzymes are left in while the cacao butter (fat) is removed (which is also very nutritious and available to purchase and consume). However, when cocoa powder is made by roasting at high levels of heat, the enzymes are ruined and you are left with fewer nutrients in your powder. This is why raw CACAO powder is a whole lot better for you!

So, it’s good to know that although all forms of chocolate and cocoa powders come from the same tree, the process they go through to get there destroys most of the healthy aspects of the plant.

 

Let’s dive into the benefits of CACAO! The list is loooong!

Cacao is a source of scientifically proven “bliss chemicals” known to influence the body and brain in beneficial ways.

  1. Serotonin: A neurotransmitter commonly known as the “feel-good” chemical. Cacao not only supplies the body with serotonin but also aids the body in producing its own serotonin naturally. Serotonin is well known for its ability to combat stress and improve the mood by promoting the feelings of comfort, contentment, happiness, relaxation, and well-being.
  2. Phenylethylamine (PEA): better known as “the love chemical” for its association with the ‘butterflies in the stomach’ excitement when you are falling in love. When ingested, PEA stimulates the central nervous system to release the body’s natural opium-like compounds called endorphins. PEA signals the body to promote the sensation of alertness, focus, and mental acuity, all while elevating the mood, speeding up metabolism, and boosting memory.
  3. Anandamide: in Sanskrit, Ananda literally means “bliss” making anandamide the “bliss chemical” in chocolate. Anandamide is a neurotransmitter found naturally in cacao and also in the human brain (the only two places it has currently been discovered). Anandamide binds to the same receptors sites in the brain as THC from cannabis. Unlike THC, anandamide won’t leave you in a mind-altered state, but, does produce a feeling of euphoria.
  4. Theobromine: this chemical acts as a vasodilator, meaning it opens the blood vessels leading to relaxation of the smooth muscles. Benefits of this chemical include enhanced blood flow and oxygenation to the brain in addition to long-term antioxidant properties.
  5. Magnesium: every cell in the body contains this mineral and requires it to function. Magnesium helps increase energy, calms nerves, aids in digestion, and relieves muscle aches and pains (among a whole host of other benefits).
  6. Zinc: This is a vital mineral for our immune system, bone health, healing, and for good hormone balance and fertility. The 100g of cacao can provide around 45% of our recommended amount of zinc. It’s without a doubt the best source of zinc for someone who refuses to eat animal products.
  7. Antioxidants: Raw cacao has 40 times the amount of antioxidants that blueberries have. Cacao is one of the world’s most antioxidant-rich foods. Antioxidants do wonders for your immune system and help to get rid of any free radicals that you may have hanging out in your body.
  8. Iron: Raw cacao has 7.3 milligrams of iron per 100 grams. Or in other words, if you take 28 grams of raw cacao, you’ll be getting over 300% the daily value. Raw cacao is the highest plant-based source of iron in the world! Iron is the mineral especially needed for women before, during and after the menstrual flow to counter the depletion of it via the loss of the blood. Iron is necessary to beat anemia. So definitely raw cacao is your friend, girl!!!
  9. Phytonutrients: They help with cardiovascular health, particularly in keeping your blood healthy. Raw cacao has blood-thinning properties that can help lower blood pressure and chances of clotting. It also encourages blood flow and helps keep your cholesterol levels healthy. Aztecs actually referred to the cacao plant as “heart blood.” They believed that consuming cacao would help you to make decisions with your heart’s intuition rather than with your logical thinking.
  10. Dietary Fiber: Raw cacao also has a high amount of dietary fiber. Although chocolate has given cacao the reputation of being sweet, raw cacao is actually very low in sugar. Most of its carbohydrates come from the fiber. The fiber in raw cacao can help keep you regular and can contribute to weight loss. However, remember, a little goes a long way with cacao! Taking too much could give you a stomach ache.

 

I could go on for days listing the health benefits of cacao, but to save you your sanity, I’ll simply conclude it with this EPIC quote:

“After water, cacao is the single healthiest substance you can put in your mouth. It can easily replace a number of psychiatric drugs for mood, plus it produces the same chemistry in the brain that occurs when we fall in love.” – Chris Kilham, WellBella

 

Why did I choose this unconventional, yet so special drink to have it every day?

The major reason was to substitute coffee with something more beneficial, healthier and enjoyable. Since I truly believe in the Universe, the moment I asked, I surprisingly opened up one of the inspirational woman IG post and there was it, the KAKAO Ceremony. I got attracted to the spiritual aspect of this drink, and the scientific benefits of it blew my mind. This drink is used for ages and was used also by my mom as a home remedy. I was stocked to rediscover it and start drinking it again.

The actual benefits I experienced were amazing. I was very focused, feeling positive and energized. I felt full and nurtured by its thick consistency and super-nutrients. I loved every sip of it.

Two months later, I still drink Kakao and no single cup of coffee. I don’t feel like I need any booster in order to perform mentally and physically.

 

The KAKAO CEREMONY.

The KAKAO Ceremony was the most beautiful part of it, though. Having the warm cacao for my morning routine, for my meditation and journaling, is very soothing, calming and empowering. It brings a smile on my face every single time. And with that my entire body, heart, and soul smile, too. I talk to it, I invoke the presence of the KAKAO Goddess and Spirit, I give it my worries and fears, and I ask to fulfill my heart with that beautiful soothing love I feel from it.

Does that make me a witch doing a hocus-pocus in my room, connecting to weird shamans from the past and invoking the spirits of Aztecs? Whatever you call it, I’ll continue with my beautiful ceremony because it truly makes me connect with self, with love, and create magic in my day!

 

How do I drink my KAKAO?

Here is a simple recipe for you I use every day, with slight modifications from time to time:

2 – 4 tbsp of organic cacao powder

1 tsp of organic maca powder

½ tsp of cinnamon

½ tsp of vanilla powder (optional)

1 tbsp of coconut oil

Pour around 10-15 ounces of warm to hot water (not boiling), mix, then blend and ENJOY IT!

 

Sometimes I add 1 tsp of lucuma powder for more natural nutrients (it is rich in Vit. C and B3). I made it with a pinch of nutmeg, but I personally didn’t like it. Sometimes, I use also ghee butter instead of coconut oil. To sweeten it, I used honey a couple of times. However, I skip honey most of the time because I love the dark chocolate taste of my KAKAO).

 

I hope you enjoy your KAKAO drink!

 

I would love to hear from you how does cacao makes you feel, and how did you incorporate it into your day?

Did you create a beautiful ceremony for yourself? I would love to see the picture of it.

Post it in the beYOUtiful secret & sacred group here.

 

Let’s create a tribe of KAKAO GODDESSES!

 

By for now, beYOutiful!

LoVE, 

Izabela

 

 

 

 

 

The letter to my body

Dear Body,

I want to start with telling you how sorry I am for who I was to you throughout last 36 years of our life.

I am sorry for seeing you as a shame, not wanting to even look at you in the mirror.

I am sorry for seeing you as fat after giving you only a little salad or stuffing you with only coffee the whole day.

I am sorry for expecting you to not be swollen, itchy or yellow-skinned after feeding you with sugar loaded crap and processed food.

I am sorry for always wanting to exchange you for something better than you were.

I am sorry for putting you through the pain of constant starvation, dieting, and purging.

I am sorry for not recognizing how amazingly you worked for me every single day without any injuries and major health issues.

I am sorry for not being content with you even after the super heavy workout routine, which didn’t leave you happy at all.

I am sorry for being disgusted by you.

I am sorry for hurting you physically.

I am sorry for using you in ways I feel ashamed of now.

I am sorry for feeling only negative emotions towards you.

I am sorry for always seeing other bodies better than you.

I am sorry for crying as soon as I saw you naked, not happy about what I saw.

I am sorry that I made myself so unhappy in you.

I am sorry for hurting you so deeply despite the love you gave me since I was born.

I am sorry…

and these apologies are the hardest I have ever expressed.

 

However, the appreciation I have today for you is unlimited.

The promise I have for you today is going to change everything.

I always wanted to be loved! You loved me unconditionally all the time.

I never did.

 

The promise is that….

I love you and will always do!!!!

“Cozy” drinks for the cold winter and holiday days

Cold winter days might be a very good reason to stay home, get cozy and warm up our bodies as well as our souls. When I was a kid, my mom used to do so many different home-based remedies for us to get warm after the crazy snowball fight outside, or simply to make sure we won’t catch any bug or cold after ice-hockey game with kids from the neighborhood.

Candle light in the background, meditation at the fireplace or simple relaxing time on your comfortable coach with the soft blanket are the wonderful “home remedies” for your soul.

However, those recipes, I am about to share with you, could be a fantastic option to warm up your physical body, too! Invite your friends and create those amazing drinks together!

Let me know how did you enjoy them!

Stay warm  ❤️  ❄️⛄

 

Home Remedy for Cold Drink

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of milk (of your choice, the best raw or unpasteurized)
  • 1 tbsp of raw honey
  • 1 tbsp of grass-fed butter
  • 1 clove of garlic

Warm up the milk, but avoid boiling it. When warmed up, add honey and butter, stir it. Mince (or press) the garlic, and add it to warm drink at the end (make sure to not boil the mixture at all – it will lose its antibacterial and antiviral features). Drink it warm!

This drink is fighting any type of cold. The best is to drink it when you feel like just getting a bug, but it serves its purpose also during the actual cold.

OPTIONS:

  • If you don’t like milk, substitute it with caffeine-free tea
  • If you don’t like garlic, simply remove it and add cinnamon instead (however, garlic is the most important ingredient here, because it is the most powerful antibacterial and antiviral natural remedy).

 

Cocoa Bean Fuel Drink

Ingredients:

  • 1-2 cups of brewed Cocoa CrioBru (buy here)
  • 1-2 cups of milk of your choice
  • 1 tbsp grass-fed butter (or ghee butter)
  • 1 tbsp of unsweetened cacao powder
  • 1 tbsp of raw honey
  • ½ tsp of ground cinnamon
  • ¼ tsp of Himalayan Pink salt

Brew ground cocoa beans according to the instruction. Combine all other ingredients in a blender, add brewed cocoa and blend until smooth. If you wish to add more healthy fats or proteins in your drink, add MCT or Collagen after blending, and blend for not more than 10 seconds (this step is important to not break down the collagen or glycerides molecules).

OPTIONS:

  • Add Coconut full-fat milk or cream for smoother consistency and more coconutty taste
  • Add 1 tbsp of MCT oil for more energy (for example if drink was made in the morning or before workout)
  • Add 1 scoop of Collagen Peptides for more proteins (buy either this, this or this one)
  • Add peppermint extract (alcohol-free the best) for cozier and Christmas-like drink ❄️⛄

 

STAY HEALTHY!!!!

YOU ARE IN IT TO WIN IT!!!!

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

 

 

Nut Butter Breakthrough

Do you live in the reality where you were told that some things in this world are just bad? Do you interact with people who constantly bombard you with judgment and opinions? Do you create your own world around those notions, thoughts, stories and beliefs that you gathered during your life, and that are not necessarily true?

Where am I headed to with those questions? What does that have to do with nut butter?

 

Oh, let me tell you my story.

I have never shared this before.

The entire world believes that being a bodybuilder, looking wonderfully lean and muscular, fit and athletic, is the healthiest thing someone could get involved in. There is no bigger misinterpretation than that. The myth of “healthy” bodybuilding can be easily debunked. I did look awesome, the best ever in my life, that’s true. Have I worked hard? Oh, heck yes, the hardest “job” I have ever done was getting ready for that stage. The limitations, deprivations, rules and what’s good and what’s totally not good or allowed, losing the social life, having no time for anything but gym, are the major “bonuses” to it. Moreover, I consider these even better: insomnia during the night, sleepiness during the day, lack of period, total lack of energy, adrenal fatigue, hypothyroidism and extreme food intolerance.

What I found the most incredible during that time is the way to look at the food and the body. Being at 7% body fat on the stage is an indication of your well-done work, and then gaining 2 pounds is considered not good anymore.

But where did I lose the main character of this story, nut butter? The cheat meal or carbing up by eating pizza, donuts and the crappiest food on this planet, was considered “good” and “beneficial” for your gains. However, eating healthy, full of good nutrients and good fats, nut butter, was the worst thing you could even think of, totally sabotaging your progress. Having this type of “cheat meal” was making me fat, over night actually, and thanks to it I most likely wouldn’t be able to step on the stage.

Do you follow me? Do you see the story behind it? Do you see the misleading beliefs here?

 

Where am I headed with that now?

Here it is. The bodybuilding world doesn’t talk about, but 85% girls start with it because they either have already underlying eating disorders and body image issues, or they end up with that after pursuing that journey. And I was on both sides. Yes, I am a girl who suffered bulimia and anorexia as a teenager, in mid and late 20s, and of course the “exciting” disorder became more dangerous after competitions. Every single pound is an obsession, every single bite of food is making me fat overnight. Every single spoon of that freaking nut butter is sabotaging all my athletic performance. But wait, what if I eat pizza, or donuts – then I should be fine, right?!

 

Do you see where I am getting to?

The messed-up stories and beliefs someone told me during that time, create the person I am now. And if you are me, you hate your body, you binge, then purge and hate yourself even more. And the vicious cycle is never going to end unless you stop yourself, you literally get yourself into the silent place, remove the worldly distractions and ask yourself the major question: what problem, emotions, pain, feelings, or issue am I trying to numb with food or any other addiction?

The root of that addiction was somewhere deep inside of me. Exactly like the root of my love-hate feelings toward a simple food like nut butter. Why was I loving it and hating it just after I ate it? Why was I craving it, even though I wasn’t hungry, so I could purge afterwards? Why was I even buying it, if it was making me so overly fat?? WHY?

Because the root of that was simple: someone told me that this type of food is making me fat. That nut butter will make me weak. That this food will make me perform bad. That thanks to this food I better stop pursuing whatever athletic and sport goals I had. Because I am going to fail…if I keep eating it. I am not exaggerating this story. It is my real, deep and true story.

 

So, if you still reading, listen: dig deep inside of your soul and heart, allow yourself to feel it, to think, to be in the moments with yourself, your memories – even if they are painful. Pain is the best teacher we could ever have in this world.

Use it wisely!

 

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

 

 

Step by Step… [The Emotional and Mental Memoir from Ultra Beast Spartan Race]

This is not a recap of an Ultra Beast Race. You can read those elsewhere. This is a mental and emotional piece about somebody’s inner world.

This is not a blog with ideas and tips on how to train. It is not about how to eat and prepare for one of the toughest obstacle endurance races. This is an expression of a soul screaming after facing an unknown field of defeat and disqualification.

The “Ultra Beast Spartan Race” is one of the longest obstacle races in the OCR series. What does that mean for an overachieving athlete like me? It means there is going to be a mental challenge. It inevitably leads to the question of “to be or not be” in the game.

 

Weeks before….

In the weeks leading up to that moment, I often found myself overthinking and over-analyzing the upcoming race. Of course, this would be interspersed with moments of calmness, and times of not thinking about the race at all. As a professional athlete, business owner, and life coach, I have learned firsthand how overthinking will never result in anything good. It only leads to fear, stress and demotivation. Overanalyzing is even worse; it creates an overpowering fear of losing control. I am the last one to predict the weather, the course, the obstacles, and most importantly: to predict my own body’s reaction and feelings.

I find it very relaxing to not think about the race at all. Yes, “spacing out” can irritate the ones who love you most. But guess what? I love spacing out. I bask in the moments when I allow the universe to think on my behalf. I love not knowing what the future may hold. I love to be at peace, doing what I do every day: eat healthy, train hard, stretch, rest, and sleep.

 

The night before….

That day before the Ultra Beast was one of the most serene days of my life. All my work was done. I was up to date on updating my clients’ plans. Everything was taken care of. The trip was planned, I had checked the weather. Even the last-minute gels had been purchased and packed. I was ready.

I decided to go on a walk. I was fully present. I looked up at the sky to see the stars, ever grateful for that precious moment! Silence is the best medicine for me before such a race.

Every professional athlete takes time to just sit with their own thoughts.

I shut down all the voices and all the stress.  This is the best anyone can do the night before a big race!

 

On race day….

Morning brought silence. With a carbed-up breakfast and mental focus, I knew what I wanted most in that moment. I thought: There is nothing else but me.

Me, the way I am now. Completely present, two hours before the start. Me, the most athletic, the best prepared, the healthiest person. I can face the unknown. All will be good, because I will take it step by step.

I did everything within my power, right? I am the strongest I could possibly be, right? I prepared every single detail for this race, right? Yes, I did.

Let’s do this!

 

The Race….

Start, slow start…

I relinquished my inner-will to chase the rest of the competitors. I kept repeating: “Pace yourself”. It soon became my mantra for the race.

“When the breathing peaks up, all I do is pace myself.”

Suddenly, I recalled everything I ever read or heard about the importance of breathing. How successful of a tool it is for stress management. Was I stressed? Not particularly, but I was very focused. I wasn’t going to let any breathing struggles get in my way. “You got this” and “keep going” was mentioned frequently by those passing me.

Yes, my legs keep moving step by step. “There is no other way but forward” my mind exclaims. “You got this, beYOUtiful!” I said to myself, as I approached a steep hill.

Step by step. I removed any thoughts about the obstacles that were ahead of me.

“That is the next step, let me focus on the uphill right now.”

I relinquished all care about the future. I knew that all I had to focus on was my next step. I had brief bursts of energy, helping me refocus, recharge.

Suddenly, I was battling an obstacle. My mind went blank. I swiftly reminded myself that I was moving forward. In my mind, “burpee” became synonymous with “obstacle”. I thought: “I will not allow ‘burpees’ to disturb my stubborn Taurus personality.”

Do you remember saying from the movie, “Dori”?

“Just keep swimming.”

Exactly. Keep moving. Keep swimming. Keep running!

 

Suddenly, my body was telling me something….

Was it a pinch in the knee? I tried to decipher the feeling. “Listen knee, we have a second lap to do. We’ve got this. Just cooperate with me and stop fighting, ok?”

As the miles added up, I felt my body in places I wasn’t expecting. I tried to reassure myself. I had never had issues with my ankles and knees before.

“Let me change the way I run. Let’s try to slow down and let refocus on the course. I know my body, all will be fine.”

As I made it through another obstacle, I thought, “That was easy, which means I’m a badass! Even the cold doesn’t bother me as much as others that I am slowly passing. Wow, I prepared really well.”

I had just finished facing the biggest fear of my life. Swimming didn’t kill me physically, but it broke me mentally.

As I plunged in to the icy water, I tried to my best to have a positive mindset. But, unfortunately, the panic attack was stronger.

“That’s ok, it’s in the past. Let’s do burpees and move on. I’ve got a second lap to do and I need to have a serious conversation with my body parts.”

 

Downhill…

I know the difference between pain and discomfort. I have an incredibly high pain tolerance. But this pain was excruciating.

“Knee, please, please don’t do this to me now. Why are you actually hurting? I’ve been so kind to you. I’ve been pacing myself this entire time.”

My pace began to slow.

Still, I moved on, step by step. But I felt it. No, it wasn’t pain. It was fear, creeping in to my thoughts. I had worked so hard on letting my fear go, just days before the race.

“Go away!!!!”

As I pictured my ligaments tearing and visualized tripping and rolling down this hill, my inner self shouted “NO, NO, NO!!!”

But I’m stubborn. The overachiever, the badass, the winner.

 

I had to decide….

The pain became unbearable. Do you know those pain scales in the hospital, with “1” being the best and “10” being the worst? I was at a 9, maybe 10, and it brought tears to my eyes. It was so intense that I could barely hold my focus as I limped. A fight between my inner-worlds ensued.

“Didn’t you accomplish 12 hours of the brutal Hurricane Heat event? Do you remember what you were telling yourself there? Yes, so keep repeating: step, step, step, step. Don’t think about giving up. Just: step, step, step, step. Shut up and move on. Step, step, step. This is your dream. Step, step, step. This is your life. Step, step, step.”

I couldn’t take another.

“Please don’t do that to me! Don’t fade, please. I can go, I can move….”

Having to give away your inner power hurts more than any knee ever could. I had to decide to let my partner continue through the race without me. I felt like I let myself down, and I had never envisioned this would happen!

 

Afterwards….   

I felt empty, I felt lost, I felt disempowered. I had lost myself somewhere on the 15-mile mark.

Someone else must have decided to DNF on my behalf. It was not the Izabela I know. She never gives up. She never whines. She never uses pain as an excuse! The Izabela I know lives by the saying: “be comfortable with uncomfortable”. It was someone other than me that decided to quit. I know I could’ve gone on and finished it!

But no, continuing with that pain wouldn’t have been possible.

The Izabela I know is also caring of herself and others. She is supportive. She inspires and motivates herself and other. She might be unstoppable, but she also knows when it’s time to practice self-care. She may have the strength to break ice, but she also knows how to melt ice with self-love. She knows that dreams do come true. They just come true during the right time, at the right place.

 

Everything happens for a reason.

 

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

….. step by step ……

12 Weeks Important to Create a Habit of Lifestyle Changes, Healthy Choices and Balanced Emotions

Challenge Up 12-week program: http://beyoutiful.fit/challengeup/. Make sure to sign up before January 4th, 2018. The kick off of the program is on that day!

Wait, 12 weeks is too long? Why not 21 days as everyone believed it should take?

Some people say that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. But according to a research done by Phillipa Lally, a psychology researcher, reveals that it actually takes about 66 days to form a new habit.

The researchers examined the habits of 96 people for a 12-week period. Every person was asked to select one habit to adopt for that period.

They reported each day if they were able to do what they choose and how they felt about it. The habits were things like drinking 2 liters of water every day to running 15 minutes before dinner. After the 12-weeks period elapsed the conclusion was that it takes a minimum of two months to build a new habit.

Why 12 weeks?

12 weeks is adequate to create good habits such as exercising or cutting out junk foods from the diet. Our fitness program gears towards a comprehensive plan that involves customized nutrition plans, personalized coaching and support from a private community.

Our 12-week program will be systematic and help you to make healthy changes one step at a time. Going through this program will boost your self-esteem and make you feel good about yourself and your body once more. You not only get a fit and sexy body but also your emotions are transformed to the better.

Not so perfect but…

The best part is you will still be able to build the habit that you want. It doesn’t matter if you mess up one or two times, you can still pick yourself up and start again. There is no reason to judge yourself that you couldn’t manage to transform yourself in 21 days.

Remember that you don’t have to be perfect. Being human means making mistakes and learning from them. Give yourself a chance to make mistakes and treat failure as a learning experience and develop strategies to get back on track immediately.

 

Embracing your long journey to good health

Remember that you don’t need to rush the process. You need enough time to train and be fit and 12 weeks is perfect. Remember that achieving the body of your dreams is not an event, it is a lifelong process. It took time for you to add weight, and it may take more time to shed the extra weight.

You have developed the unhealthy behaviors over a long period. Therefore, it may take time to replace unhealthy habits with healthy ones. Many people find it difficult when they try to change too much unhealthy behaviors too fast. To ensure that you succeed in your quest, focus on one goal or change at a time. After you have a well-established healthy routine, you can try work on another goal that works toward the overall change you’re striving for.

Nevertheless, you have to embrace the process and commit to it. Understanding this will make it easier for you to manage your expectations. You will commit to small workout plans rather than a high-intensity workout that will cause burnouts and cause you to give up because you expect huge changes that will not take place if you don’t do it right. And the right way is to be patient. Don’t pressure yourself to rush this.

At the end of the day, you have goals that you want to achieve. And it doesn’t matter how long you take, but that you will actually get the results that you want. Habits take a longer time to form and all you need is 12 weeks of personalized coaching and nutrition guidance alongside a support community for support and accountability.

What more will you need? Really.

Sign up for the program and change your life for the better.

 

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

Cashew Butter Banana Cookies

I loved that recipe and even more cookies which came out so delicious. I even remade that recipe and used pears instead of banana with peanut butter and it came amazing as well 😊

Do you want to explore more dishes which are fascinating, tasty and healthy at the same time? Check out my blog here.

Would you like to be totally confident with the food you are eating? Check out the Challenge-Up program and jump on it. There is plenty of healthy and freeing eating in there: http://beyoutiful.fit/challengeup/

Ingredients:

MIX A:

  • 2 ripe bananas (or 2 large/3 medium ripe pears)
  • ½ cup erythritol or Swerve https://swervesweet.com/
  • 2 tbsp cashew butter (or peanut/almond butter)
  • 2 tbsp coconut oil

MIX B:

  • ½ cup egg whites
  • ½ cup coconut/almond milk

MIX C:

  • 1 ½ cups of cashew or almond meal/flour
  • 1 cup coconut flour
  • 1 tbsp baking powder
  • ½ cup raw cashews or almonds
  • 1 tbsp chia seeds
  • 1 tbsp hemp seeds
  • 1 tbsp vanilla powder
  • 1 tsp xanthan gum

Instructions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 400F.
  2. Add all the ingredients from mix A in abowl. Mash well.
  3. Add mix B and gently stir.
  4. Add mix C. Combine and place 30 heaping tablespoons of the cookie dough on a baking sheet.
  5. Bake for 20 minutes or until desire crispiness.

ENJOY IT!

 

Nutritional Facts:

Servings 30

Per one serving: 121 calories; 7g fats; saturated fats 2g; monounsaturated fats 1g; polyunsaturated fats 0g; carbohydrates 13g; fiber 3g; sugars 2g; proteins 4g; cholesterol 0mg; sodium 102mg; potassium 35mg.

 

STAY HEALTHY!!!!

YOU ARE IN IT TO WIN IT!!!!

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

Pork chops with Oranges, Walnuts and Cauliflower (Weight Watchers debunked)

This is another dish from the category of simple ones and modified to have healthy and nutritious version of this what it was meant to be good for you! Hope you liked the beYOUtiful version of this dish 😊

Check out my 12-week program Challenge Up launching January 4th, 2018 here.

Ingredients:

  • 8 oz of pork chops
  • ½ cup of walnuts
  • 1 medium orange (around 5 oz)
  • Half a head of cauliflower (around 10oz)
  • 1 tbsp of grass-fed butter
  • 1 tsp of sea salt
  • 1 tsp of ground black pepper

Instructions:

  1. Add butter into a nonstick skillet and set over medium heat.
  2. Add the ¼-inch thick pork chops and cook until browned and cooked through, about 2 minutes on each side. Transfer to a platter and set aside.
  3. Add the cauliflower to the skillet, cook covered until the cauliflower is tender, about 5 minutes.
  4. Add the orange sections, walnuts and pork. Cook until heated through, about 1 minute longer.

ENJOY IT!

 

Nutritional Facts:

Servings 2

Per one serving: 433 calories; 29g fats; saturated fats 3g; monounsaturated fats 0g; polyunsaturated fats 0g; carbohydrates 14g; fiber 6g; sugars 8g; proteins 29g; cholesterol 73mg; sodium 1159mg; potassium 442mg.

 

STAY HEALTHY!!!!

YOU ARE IN IT TO WIN IT!!!!

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

Baked Banana with Rum, Cinnamon and Mascarpone (Weight Watchers debunked)

This dessert was modified in order to cut on the amount of sugars the original recipe was calling for. It was mind blowing to me how much of sugar was in, apparently, one of the healthiest recipe. At least considered by many as that! Hope you like the beYOUtiful version of it now 😊

The original recipe was calling for ¼ cup brown sugar and vanilla fat-free frozen yogurt, which in the end was giving 64g of carbs per serving!!! WOW that is a lot!

Check out my 12-week program Challenge Up launching January 4th, 2018 here.

Ingredients:

  • 2 medium bananas
  • 2 tsp grass-fed butter
  • 1 tsp of vanilla powder
  • 3 tbsp of Erythritol
  • 1 tsp of ground cinnamon
  • 45 ml of dark rum
  • 3 tbsp of mascarpone

Instructions:

  1. Cut the bananas crosswise in half, then cut each piece lengthwise in half.
  2. Melt the butter into a large nonstick skillet and set over medium heat.
  3. Add the bananas, cut side down, and cook until golden brown, about 2 minutes on each side.
  4. Add 2 tbsp of erythritol, dark rum and cinnamon; cook until the erythritol is dissolved and the mixture is syrupy, about 1 minute. Stir in ½ tsp of vanilla powder.
  5. In meantime mix mascarpone with ½ tsp of vanilla powder and 1 tbsp erythritol to have a smooth mixture.
  6. Top each pieces of bananas with mascarpone mixture and the syrupy mixture from skillet  and sprinkle with cinnamon.

ENJOY IT!

 

Nutritional Facts:

Servings 2

Per one serving: 211 calories; 11g fats; saturated fats 8g; monounsaturated fats 0g; polyunsaturated fats 0g; carbohydrates 43g; fiber 3g; sugars 12g; proteins 3g; cholesterol 34mg; sodium 23mg; potassium 361mg.

 

STAY HEALTHY!!!!

YOU ARE IN IT TO WIN IT!!!!

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤