Where is this freaking self-love coming from?

How many times did you ask yourself that question?

I did at least a million times.

I saw all these beautiful posts, mantras, affirmations, illustrations, quotes, poems, books and posters, and all I did was nodding my head and repeating after them – ‘oh yes, yes, I know… yes, I love myself, yes, I care about myself’ – over and over again.

Oh gosh, how they didn’t resonate with me.

Oh gosh, how they didn’t sound familiar to me at all.

The more I immersed myself into it, the more frustrated I was getting.

What is all about that self-love?

How one can freaking actually love themselves?

It simply didn’t click at all.

I felt at times, like either my mind didn’t get it, or I did something wrong, or simply – self-love doesn’t exist. It was all blurry-type of marketing fame and that was it all.

I was actually right, at least with the first part of my statement. My mind didn’t get it because self-love is not mind’s job. Period!

Honestly, anytime my mind started spinning its chatter, I seriously needed to seat with it and make sure it shuts up so I could do my thing.

I was also right with the second part of my statement, that I was doing something wrong.

I was actually doing everything upside down, and all over again. I got myself in such a bundle of wires and knots that there was no way to see it through. I got to that point that I needed to scream loud to ask for help. I was doing all of it wrong, including self-help tools I intenden to use.

Self-love is the easiest thing ever if we let it be!!!

Self-love, as the name indicates, comes from within. WITHIN!

Read that again. From inside of you!

It doesn’t come from artificial affirmations which someonetold us to use, and you have no clue even how to embody them.

Self-love doesn’t come from a million self-care practices, amazing spa weekends and red roses.

Self-love doesn’t come from being needy and expecting others to make you happy. How unfair is that!

So where is it coming from, huh?

Here is my answer:

I was looking for self-love in money and a great job. And it didn’t show up. I was looking for it in validation, cuddles and external love from boyfriends and it didn’t show up either. I was looking for it even in the healthy lifestyle industry, by being fit, eating well, looking sexy, desired and admirable…. Well, it didn’t show up in there as well.

The more I was ‘looking’ for, the more I was discovering that it may actually not exists.

The beautiful self-love, that one I truly desired, and wanted to be a part of my life, was nowhere to be seen.

How did I want the self-love to show up in my life?

  • I wanted to be depression-free so I could have life purpose to get up every day.
  • I wanted to be suicidal-thoughts-free so I could appreciate the gift of life.
  • I wanted to be bulimia-free so I could be grateful for the body which did so much for me every day.
  • I wanted to be self-hatred-free so I could freaking finally love myself.

Purely. Unconditionally. Confidently. Authentically. Joyfully.

It came to me.

It came in a form I would have never expected.

Oh, how sad and mad, frustrated and angry, disappointed and upset I was.

And at the same time, how relieved I felt. How happy, truly, purely, authentically and joyfully happy!

It came in the form of the love from WITHIN.

❤ The moment when I cried feeling sadness, but I sat with it to understand why I was sad.

❤ The moment when I was alone with myself and stayed there to experience who I was.

❤ The moment when I joyfully danced and jumped in the park knowing that this made my heart smile.

❤ The moment when saying ‘NO’ was a blissful experience.

❤ The moment when I saw my depression as a cry of my soul to be loved and appreciated.

❤ The moment when the most important relationship I wanted to nurture was with myself first.

❤ The moment when my childhood abuse memories were coming back and I thanked them for showing up.

❤ The moment when I rebuild the connection with my Inner Child and saw her pain caused by me.

❤ The moment when looking at my naked body wasn’t filled with willingness to self-violate anymore.

❤ The moment when I was literally apologizing for every part of my body for abusing it for so long.

❤ The moment when I got my first period after over 15 years of faking it and getting rid of.

❤ The moment when I enjoyed being braless because I finally loved my femininity.

❤ The moment when I became a friend with my pain, weakness and mistakes – being grateful for their teachings.

❤ The moment when I literally could touch, smell and even taste my own blood knowing that this is freaking me.

And that will be me. Until I die.

Did I want to treat myself and my Inner Child in the abusive way as I was abused in my past?

Did I want to waste my body, my soul and heart because I didn’t see it as it ‘should be’?

No. Not anymore.

I understood.

That was me. That is me. Whole. Unique. Myself. With my ebbs and flows. With my vulnerabilities and superpowers. Enough. Loved. Joyful.

Me. My body, my cycle, my blood, my creative being!

Me. Naked. Dancing. Braless. Beautiful. Blissful. Sad and happy.

All of it and even more. ME.

This is a pure love I was longing for all my life!

It came to me!

And I was ready for her!

I want to express here the deepest gratitude that most of it wouldn’t be obtained without the help of amazing coaches and mentors I had on the path to rediscovering myself and ‘finding’that love which was truly always here, within. With some of them, I worked in person, being a part of their programs and tribes, and some of them impacted me very powerfully via their books, materials, podcasts and self-expression viadifferent platforms. 
Zlata Sushchik, Melinda Collins, Samantha Skelly, ElizabethDiAlto, Claire Baker, Danielle LaPorte, Gabby Bernstein, Red School with Alexandra Pope & Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer as the founders, Lisa Lister, and many more I haven’t listed, yet being so empowering on the journey to my own femininity.

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

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UNIVERSE IS A FUNKY PLACE

 

“Everything that happens in your life is the best possible thing that can happen to you”

– Chris Prentiss

 

  • Every single moment of your life is the moment YOU have a choice to make.

  • Every single moment of your life is the moment YOU desire and it’s given to you.

 

The question is, how do you want to receive it?

 

I am going to show you the THREE ways how to receive whatever is meant for you!

 

GRATITUDE

— If friends you invited for a dinner won’t say thank you, would you invite them again? —

Say thank you. Give thank you.

 

* First and foremost, appreciate Yourself. Be grateful for the life you live, for the world around you, for the loved ones, for the money and the house you have. However, be even more grateful for feelings and emotions. Be mindful of your inner voice and instincts.

* Appreciate your loved ones. Be amazed at small things such a smile, a gesture, and a hug. Be aware of the beauty around you in the other people’s eyes, in your spouse’s body language, in your kid’s smile.

* Appreciate your friends and co-workers. They are in your life for a reason, to create that beautiful life story of yours. Be mindful of what your life might have been without them.

* Appreciate the stranger. Discover the magic behind the THANK YOU expressed towards the person you just passed on the way to work or in the store. Be amazed by how that simple courtesy can impact that person and you in a positive way.

* Appreciate the Universe/God/Higher Power/Divine. Would you be who you are without all the moments and experiences in your life? Be understanding that expressing appreciation for what you already have will just give you more of it.

* Say and give THANK YOU to your life: moments, events, people, items and whatever else you are grateful for WITHOUT COMPARISONS TO OTHERS. That creates the powerful mindset you want to walk into your day with.

 

HOW TO DO THAT?

** write every morning and evening what are you grateful for – be honest and feel it!

** ask yourself why are you grateful for that – be honest!

** ask yourself what would you do to make someone else happy – be honest!

** ask yourself how could you contribute to tomorrow’s day to make it worthy – be honest!

** say THANK YOU to stranger, co-worker, friend, or loved one today!

** say THANK YOU to someone who you didn’t talk to for more than 6 months!

 

RESULTS:

As your day goes, by appreciating yourself, you will feel lighter, happier and encouraged to take upon any challenge you may face during a day.

As your day goes, by spreading the appreciation around you, you will experience more love, smiles, kindness, and help from other people.

 

 

LOVE

Self-love is different than self-care.

Sure, get yourself a nice haircut, manicure or buy yourself flowers. It makes your physical body feel loved.

However, practice self-love by making your soul and heart feel loved, too.

 

* Light the candle in a place where there are nothing and nobody except for yourself. Feel the silence. Feel your body. Feel your anxieties. Feel your happiness. Feel your inner voice.

* Just be, just listen.

* Is this moment making you feel uncomfortable? If yes, that’s great. Moments like that bring a lot of teachings.

* Your inner voice is sending you an important message. Is it because you feel pain, or maybe are miserable at work, or maybe it is the lack of love in your life, including from yourself? Whatever it is, be in that feeling.

* Marinate yourself in that feeling. Say them out loud, write them down, read them again.

* Cry if you feel like.

* Smile if you want.

* Dance if you desire so.

 

There are not bad or good emotions. They all mean something to us. They give us a cue of what is happening in our life, in our deepest soul.

Escaping from the emotions and signs your body is showing you will just extend the pain you are living in.

 

HOW TO DO THAT?

** mediate in the morning before you even grab the phone

** wake up earlier than others so you have a quiet moment for your inner voice to listen

** give yourself few minutes during the day to breath, to space out, to daydream, to escape from everything around you

** journal all your emotions, don’t feel ashamed or judged – it is you who you want to be comfortable with at first

** write the letter to yourself from the perspective of the inner women and inner you – be kind, loving, non-judgmental and critic-free

** be aware of all good things around you.

 

RESULTS:

The more you take care of yourself, the more love you are able to spread.

The more you love yourself, the more compassion is around you.

The more you respect yourself, the more kindness will be in your presence.

 

 

INTENTION

What are you choosing to focus on? How is that serving or hindering you?

Do you visualize your future as if it’s happening now?

Do you see yourself as a successful, happy, balanced and empowered woman?

 

The intentions are your thoughts, desires and inner voice towards the vision you place ourselves in! The way you see yourself walking, feeling, reacting, living and being in the future, that’s the way you will become.

 

* Is it that you want to be anxiety-free? – imagine that lightness!

* Is it that you want to be debt-free? – picture that financial freedom!

* Is it that you want to be loved? – feel that you are loved!

* Is it that you want to be respected? – act that way!

* Is it that you want to be successful? – live like a successful person!

* Is it that you want to be a great boss? – be a great person now!

 

Negative intentions will keep you limited, positive ones will move you forward.

 

HOW TO DO THAT?

** write a letter to yourself NOW from yourself THEN and read it every day!

** practice affirmations every single day by using I AM statement.

** believe in yourself truly!

** see in you the person you want to become!

** feel how it is going to be when you are that person you want to become.

** appreciate the wonderful person you are NOW!

 

RESULTS:

Manifest and create an image of where you want to be are your major vision.

You can see it, feel it, and be there! All your existence will work together with higher powers to get you there!

Your mind will focus on it by creating the opportunities.

Your soul will feel aligned and peaceful.

The Universe is sending any cues your way so you could become who you so deeply desire to be!

 

Be mindful of what you are asking for beYOUtiful😊

 

PROMPT: What resonated with you the most?

 
Check out that video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihGkwARehAQ&t=377s

 

[The teachings in this blog come from my book “The True Identity” – publishing early 2019]

 

I got married!!!

I am married!!!

 

I am so excited to feel that emotions of being loved, accepted, supported and admired!

I am so excited knowing that I am all of the above for simply being myself.

 

Wait, wait…. Let’s reverse the tape here a bit!

 

I believe that in order to have a wonderful relationship with another person, you need to have a wonderful relationship with yourself. Period!

 

Yes, you read this right!

But what does that actually mean?

 

Let me share a story with you before I explain more.

I was single for almost 6 years after my divorce. I say single, because most of my relationships didn’t last longer than 6 months. There was one for 9 months separated by over 2,000 miles. And there were even some for not longer than 2 months. It felt crappier and crappier every single time. The more I tried, the shorter they last. The more I was looking for the ‘ideal’ man, the more abusive and controlling they appear. Nothing was working as I wanted. And all I wanted was to be loved. Ok, loved for being fully and authentically myself.

And that was the key to the Love Code.

I wanted to be loved for who I was.

Let me repeat that, I wanted to be loved for who I was. To my surprise, all my boyfriends loved me the same way as I loved myself.

BOOM!

 

The Love Code is right here.

In order for you to be loved the way you dream about, you need to love yourself in EXACTLY the same way.

 

  • You want to be treated like a queen. Do you treat yourself like a Queen?
  • You want to be respected in public places. Do you respect yourself, at home and in public?
  • You want to be told all beautiful compliments. Do you talk to yourself in a beautiful way?
  • You want to be supported. Do you support yourself to be the best version of yourself?
  • You want to be accepted for who you ar.? Do you judge and beat yourself?
  • You want to feel safe and protected. Do you feel safe with yourself, your emotions and flows?
  • You want that person to be loyal and trustworthy. Are you trusting yourself?

 

EVERYTHING COMES BACK TO YOU.

Whatever you ‘expect’ from the partner, it is something that you need to give it to yourself first.

Whatever you ‘need’ the partner to do for you, it is something you may need to do for yourself first.

Whatever requirements you need the partner to ‘meet’, it is something that may be missing within you and in your relationship with self.

Whatever the partner ‘shouldn’t’ be, most likely those are the triggers you may need to heal with yourself first.

 

You can’t expect another person to make you happy.

You can’t expect them to heal, repair and make shinier the things you are dealing with. It is your personal responsibility to create the most magical relationship with self, in order to attract the relationship with another person.

 

So, the end of my story is, that I stopped looking. However, I awakened, and I saw the pattern. There was something within me, on the outside of me, or radiating from me, that it was attracting men I truly didn’t want to date. I simply asked, ‘what is it, Izabela, that you need to take care of first?’

There was a lot of things and still is, because I am a human being, too. Broken – yes. But willing to repair it by myself first.

 

The moment things got clearer to me about how I loved myself, how I respected and treated myself, it was a moment when the magic happened.

 

“Relationships are a hard work.” – someone said.

They are, but truly that work is with yourself first!

 

Dig deep inside and find that key to your Love Code!

 

I want to share with you this simple task:

  • Write down all characteristics you would love your future and even recent partner to have. Be super specific, I mean it, super-duper specific!!!
  • Then read them one by one and ask yourself: “Do I give that to myself now?”
  • If the answer is yes, great! I am happy to hear that! Truly!
  • If the answer is no, mark it with a marker and move on to another one.
  • Once you finish your list, look at it.
  • How colorful is it? 30%, 50% or maybe 80% of the entire list?

Now, get to these colorful parts and start giving yourself first something that you expect from others to give it to you. It changes your life so much!!

 

Have fun with that!

 

And I really would love to see how you did with it. Share with me in comments below or on my social media (here and here). If you have any questions or struggle, PM me. I will be very happy to help you out!

Through bulimia to self-discovery

 

I was bulimic.

I hated myself.

 

Every day, I could see all the ads on self-love and overcoming eating disorders. Women of all sizes loving themselves.

‘How do they do that?’ – I asked myself every time.

 

‘What’s that hype about self-love?’

‘How does it work?’

‘What does it actually mean?’

‘How does that even feel to love oneself?’

 

I felt like I would learn the Chinese language faster than loving myself. I couldn’t picture the day when I could possibly like myself, all of it, the body, the mind, the life I had, all of it! I had an extremely hard time imagining this feeling.

 

I expected it to feel lightning, freeing, even fulfilling. Possibly expanding. Oh goodness, what should I do to maybe – just maybe – one day love myself? For just a minute, so I could experience that unconditional love to myself.

 

And…

that day came.

It was another extreme day with bulimia. Three times purging left my body weak again. It wasn’t new to me; it shouldn’t be new to my body either. The weakness kept me from being able to hold even a book. I felt exhausted. I felt tired. All I sensed was a pain in my stomach, a stabbing headache, and burning eyes. I couldn’t cry anymore.

I sat on the bed and looked in the mirror. I saw myself, overwhelmed, tired, and in pain. My skin was grey, my eyes were matte. There was not a single sign of life in me. A smile was foreign to my face. Joy was long forgotten. Compassion, kindness, and love didn’t exist.

I had no self-love.

I wanted to rip my skin. I hated my body badly. The hate in my eyes was the worst I have ever seen. I have never hated anyone in my life as I did myself right then, not even my abusive father.

That was a typical day for me, since I was a teenager, until…

 

A breath of my soul surfaced. A tiny tap on my shoulder told me to ask for help. I had no clue what to ask for, or how someone could help me.

 

But deep in my guts, I knew I won’t handle this anymore by myself. Deep down there I felt little voice asking me to seek help. That scared voice wanted me just to try, one more time. Ask!

‘I can’t do that anymore. Please help me, whoever is out there, please. I need help!!!” – I whispered.

 

And I went to bed.

Next couple of days were very ordinary. Today I know they were very special. Things felt on my lap unexpectedly. Not even remembering how and when anything happened, I was already filling in the application for the life coaching program.

 

I trusted.

The day when I had a call with the program coach, I knew that no matter what would I need to pay for it, or what effort would I need to make, I was already in. That was my chance! That was my help! That was the answer!

 

I trusted!

I started with learning about presence. Putting myself in the present moment to ‘just be’ was at first uncomfortable, yet interesting. I tried to meditate already two years before, but now the practice took me on a totally different path. I felt anxious, but I enjoyed it, more and more.

A connection between my body and mind started to emerge. I started asking my body what it likes to do and how it feels. Feeling into the visceral ‘yes’ and ‘no’ was a huge fun. I felt like a kid who just found a toy in the sandbox.

I began to recognize that it is okay to feel. Emotions were like clouds, they would come and they would pass. They didn’t identify me. I had never felt so relieved. I knew that it was safe for me to express my feelings. I tested it even in my daily life and it worked. I was so excited!

I was able to create a relationship between pain and joy, hurt and kindness, abuse and playfulness, anxiety and compassion, and fear and trust. What a combination. What a discovery – the pain was here for me to heal. The pain was here for me to learn. Triggers and fears were my teachers! At this point, I knew my life was already changed. I felt heavenly amused.

Being alone with my thoughts, emotions, and feelings was extremely transformational. Being alone was nurturing. Focused breath work was recharging. All those tools I had with me, all the time, and I never knew how to tap into the source and use them. I was capable of being, dreaming, loving, and forgiving.

It was exciting and anxious at the same time as I connected to my Inner Child. Memories from my abusive childhood were readily accessible, yet very scary. I blocked my memories from early age. Once I started discovering them, I wanted to run away at first.

I was in a huge pain seeing the hurt and pain of my mom and siblings. I was angry at my dad. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I couldn’t focus or meditate. I cried day after day. Forgiveness of him didn’t feel accessible, yet I knew in order for me to disconnect from the past I needed to let it go.

However, through that work, my patience and acceptance of those events and emotions had grown. I started healing. I realized that forgiveness would provide me with lightness, freedom, empowerment and unlimited beautiful energy.

So, I proceeded and I succeeded. I was very proud of myself to look into my dad’s eyes and not feel hate toward him anymore. I was so happy. I knew I can love unconditionally, even abuser of my childhood. I felt compassion like never before.

 

I felt reborn as a woman and Goddess, too. I became a woman who suddenly felt her body, sensed her emotions, desired sexual pleasure, expressed her true voice, exuded confidence and sensuality. I shifted from hating every inch of my body, vagina, and breasts to wanting to be naked. I wanted to dance, make love, and touch myself. I wanted to connect to every part of my body and express my love.

 

A little tap on my shoulder on that day started a beautiful and magical process of rediscovering my true self and uncovering my femininity. Vulnerability and sensuality became my superpowers.

 

There is a helpful hand waiting for you. You just need to ask for it and be open to receiving it.

Ask for it because you deserve it.

Ask for it because your voice, gifts and Inner Child deserve to speak up and live the beautiful life of alignment and lightness!

 

Be the love and light for yourself!  Be YOU!

❤️

Enjoyment of the moment

 

“WHEN I STAND BEFORE GOD AT THE END OF MY LIFE, I WOULD HOPE THAT I WOULD NOT HAVE A SINGLE BIT OF TALENT AND TIME LEFT, AND COULD SAY THAT I USED EVERYTHING YOU GAVE ME, GOD!”

– Erma Bombeck

 

“I want to be happy in my life!”

 

That’s the most repeated phrase after “I love you”. Happiness is that ONE thing we all chase and long for. The happiness has as many faces as people on this planet.

 

As I sit on my pillow, my hand writes down one of the most beautiful words, which seemed like a cry of my soul. The happy cry, the aha-moment cry, the Eureka cry – the realization cry of what happiness is for me.

Today I share with you that deep, vulnerable and empowering desires!

 

“I truly want to be happy in my life!

I don’t want to do what doesn’t spark me.

The last few weeks of hustling to post the most inspiring words on social media, following all other inspiring coaches and women, comparing myself to others just made me feel very fearful, miserable, unhappy, not present and not appreciative of what I have right now in my life.

I realized that the hustle may not be for me.

The rat race and money chasing may totally be out of my life or happiness definition.

 

It hit me how much I want to organically inspire, motivate, help and be of service to others, just be being the truest version of myself.

 

And, I also want to enjoy life! I truly do.

I want to enjoy time with my partner instead of being stressed about not doing enough.

I want to enjoy the healthy food and have fun with it instead of being miserable and obsessed with my body image.

I want to enjoy the movements of my body, workouts, and dance instead of punishing and hurting my body.

I want to be healthy and fit and go places instead of being overstressed and frozen in the hustle mode.

I want to enjoy the cozy, loving and safe place and home instead of chasing huge and cold villas.

I want to enjoy my garden full of herbs and nature instead of feeling that this is a waste of time.

I want to enjoy doing new things and build memories with my fiancée and friends instead of being a workaholic.

I want to connect with people on a personal level instead of being fake and copy-monkey social media guru.

I want to enjoy small groups meetings and retreats where true connection, magic, love, self-expression, and beautiful transformations happen instead of hiding from the overwhelm of this world.

 

I want to feel happy and proud of myself at the end of the day. I want to know that I did everything in all my abilities to love and be loved. I want to be content knowing that my time was very well spent with all I have. I want to live being appreciative of my life every second.

 

I want to give it a time – a time to listen to myself, a time to hear what the Universe has to say, a time to flow with what it’s meant for me.

I want to focus on my emotions, body, and cycle.

I want to be appreciative of every moment.

I want to express love every day.

I want to be in the flow.

I want to just be, in the present moment

And I want to be patient to be able to see and feel what lights me up. “

 

What does happiness mean to you? ❤

 

 

 

 

 

The road to the unknown

 

One year ago, I was on the road from New Mexico to Wyoming. I was in a moving truck with all my life squeezed in there. Many things got sold or left behind, though. Material things didn’t have much meaning to me at this point in my life.

I didn’t know yet that soon my life was going to change totally!

And all I could do was to trust that all would be well.

I trusted so much that during the 12-hour drive I didn’t hesitate for a second about my decision. There was no single thought of turning back. I knew I was driving to a new me, to a new life, and to new experiences.

I trusted fully!

 

You may ask me, what has changed?

And this is my answer.

 

Depression is my history.

I recall being depressed and suicidal over the last 15 years, with some extreme ups and down. I never knew that in order for me to overcome this disorder I needed at first to feel safe – safe to be, safe to cry, safe to be down, safe to express what I feel!!! Once I felt the safety in every single cell of my body, the awakening came. I realized that I was loved for who I was because it felt safe. It felt loving, too.

The dark thoughts, self-doubts, and fearfulness may still be present – but the way I react to them today is a totally new game. I observe when they come, how they show up, how dark they are and how cloudy my brain gets – I see them and I refuse to let these experiences control my life.

Emotions are OK.

Pain is my superpower.

I accept it, I love it and I don’t push it away. I know they are all here to teach me how to be a better person every day.

I learned to rest and recharge instead of allowing darkness to overtake me.

I learned to take a nap, instead of going into a self-hateful thinking pattern.

I learned to journal or meditate when I am sad or in pain, so I can cry and cry and feel amazing about expressing all of it!

I learned to pause or even step back when it feels heavy.

I learned that it is only me who has a choice of either being happy or miserable.

So, I remind myself every day that I am loved, safe to express and be, beautiful and whole, worthy and freaking unstoppable. I trusted then and keep trusting today!

 

My personal growth journey went through so many huge shifts that one year ago none of it was even in my dreams.

I was battling severe bulimia, extreme panic attacks, and the biggest obsession over the weight, food and exercising and that saddened me. It felt like it would never end and that there is no hope. Yet, every single time I was experiencing any of it, I managed to look at myself in the mirror and remind myself that there is a way out of it.

It was the hardest part of my entire journey – to believe and trust in something that logically didn’t seem like it was ever coming. I had no clue how that would look like or show up. But I knew I could be free of all of these things. I knew that many other women got there, so I could too!

I trusted, and that trust brought me to the freedom and the most beautiful life so far! Freedom from obsession over food or body-image, freedom from panic attacks, freedom from bulimia and freedom from the fear! I trusted then and keep trusting today!

 

The interpersonal communication and the way it’s done was a huge turn over in my life.

I was told by a few of my ex-partners that I don’t know how to love and how to communicate in the relationship. That’s why I believed that all my relationships didn’t work because I was a problem.

How mistaken I was. I allowed other’s insecurities and inabilities to be projected on me and I took it as my own stories and beliefs.

All I needed was to feel safe. Again, safety was my thing. Once I discovered that being safe is the happy place for me and my Inner Child, then the magic started pouring down from the sky.

Without a person who supported me on this journey by meeting me half-way, that wouldn’t be possible. Creating the safe, non-judgmental and open space for both of us allowed me to blossom. Once that started, I could show how loving and caring of a person I was.

After all, I never thought I could have a relationship like this – trustworthy, respectful, safe, loving, supportive, open and honest!

 

Acceptance of my emotionality, sensitivity, vulnerability, sensuality, and desires was a great step forward.

Oh well, let me tell you – those qualities never aligned with me – they felt weak, whiny, and not allowed in the big world of success. That girl was all about being powerful, never weak and never crying, strong and doing it all by herself!

Well, that is not true today and I am so glad to take that mask off and reveal the true person.

I felt like an outsider or from a different plant, as I called myself.

I could easily become distracted.

I could feel melancholy for no particular reason.

I could feel other people’s emotions intensely.

I could easily take on the mask of Wonder Woman or Femme Fatale to “fit in” in a society that hasn’t appreciated my intuitive ways.

I knew I was super emotional, with extreme waves even during a single day.

I am a nurturer, caregiver and I cry when I see bad things happening to any human being, including homeless or junkie.

I am sensitive as hell, and that is another superpower of mine.

And I freaking love that about me today. I don’t buy into the story of being too sensitive or PMS. I learned to be with all my emotions, the dark and light ones.

I learned to tap into my vulnerability and use it as the most creative and empowering tool I ever had. I decided to reconnect with my intuition and inner voice so I could be the truest version of myself.

 

The last, but not the least, is my rediscovery of the part of me which I managed to suppress for the longest – the femininity and woman in me.

I hated being a woman for most of my life. I wanted to have the testosterone to build muscles, I didn’t want to be a crybaby when someone hurt me, I wanted to be a buddy for most of my men friends, I wanted to be treated as a strong person. No vulnerability, sensitivity, tears or whining were allowed. I was happy for not having a period for most of my life while being on the pill. I used the PCOS diagnosis as a relief so I didn’t need to get pregnant. I wanted to hide my hips and breasts. OMG, I could list these things forever.

Today, that part of me seems to be the most mysterious, magical and hiding so much more to learn, express and live by.

Today I track my period which came back in January 2018. I am excited when I am bleeding because that means I am a woman, still or again, whichever way I look at it.

I am excited to be with the moon outside and soak in the energy of the beautiful Luna.

I am happy doing self-massage, dance to hot and sexual music or meditate naked to love every part of my body.

I would never imagine being at this point just a year ago!

 

Life is beautiful, with every single moment of it – either emotional and sad, or happy and joyful, either with heavy experiences or lightness and breakthroughs.

The number of gifts that life delivers to us within such a short time just like one year – it is truly beyond the imagination of the logical mind. Only the heart and soul can embrace that!

So, I do it, every single day. And I trust!

 

 

You are totally fine being different than others

  • Do you feel like an outlier?
  • Do you feel that the lifestyle you live is different than those of others?
  • Do you hear that you are weird? Maybe that you are from
    different planet?
  • Do you feel bad not being accepted by friends and family?
  • Do you struggle with being social, like everyone else?
  • Do you feel that you need to be normal to be loved and accepted?

 

What does normal mean to you?!

 

Today I have received a picture from my friend. The picture showed myself, with my Masters of Science thesis. Nothing special, yet meaningful. More meaningful to my friend than me.

The picture showed me, in the yellow suit jacket, holding the bright blue covered thesis. Nothing unusual again. However, in 2005, back in Poland, everyone worn black, dark blue or gray suits to the diploma defense, having their thesis covered in similar colors. Those were the colors of elegancy, respect, and professionalism.

 

Yet, that girl, who came from other side of the country, with a huge smile on her face, broke all the rules. How dare she do that!

 

My friend said: “I remember you always with the huge smile on your face, never changing, always there. The brave girl, who I respected and looked up to so much. She was breaking all rules out there. For the first time in my life, being in your company showed me that it is ok to be different, to be outlier, and not follow the crowds and rules”.

I had no clue that I made such an impact on her that time.

 

She knew that being normal is what everyone needs to follow. She didn’t want to break rules because she was afraid of being rejected. Being different meant to not have friends at the college. She, like everyone of you, wanted to be loved and accepted.

Yet, few years later, she realized that being like everyone else is not being truly yourself.

 

  • Who are you trying to be?
  • Who do you truly want to be?

 

  • Are there discrepancies in both of those responses?

 

If yes, there has to be a shift within you, which will tell you the truth. You will know where the truth for yourself is.

The truth is that everyone of YOU want to be yourself. We all want to be loved, accepted, wanted, respected and needed as our true selves.

 

Yet, we put masks, hide who we are, and pretend who we are not. Then we are surprised that still we are not loved and accepted.

 

Raise your hand:

  • Would you like to hang out with a fake friend?
  • Would you like to marry a fake man?

 

Exactly!

Be real!

Be raw.

Be true to yourself.

 

There is no other way to the heart of many but through being yourself.

 

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

 

P.S. Izabela is an author of the forthcoming “TRUE IDENTITY” book [Summer 2018] teaching you how to rediscover, uncover and express your true self!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The new approach to self-care

We all know what self-care is, don’t we? There are many blog posts out there to teach us how to take care of self by getting a new haircut, manicure, or even a bath with essential oils. We all like to take care of that beautiful appearance of our bodies, and that makes us feel worthy, wanted, loved and fulfilled.

However, the next day, when the haircut gets messy, and the beautiful aroma of the bath is gone, we come back to the realization of being unworthy, fearful, unconfident and wanting more from life. Where is that magical benefit of the self-care practices we just put so much effort (and money) into?

It’s gone. It is gone as anything else what treats the surface layer of the problem and never digs deeper. Why would we want to even dig deeper to discover that there is more to work on, maybe more painful and little less pretty?

Self-care is the care of self. And the ‘SELF’ consists of more than just the physical appearance and the body. Don’t take me wrong, it is very important to take care of the external body as well – we want to be fit, healthy, look pretty and attractive! It is actually necessary!

However, there is much more to it than we ever thought.

There are your mindset, your heart, and your spirit, which are craving your attention and a little bit of your time to get the care and nourishment you are giving right now to just the physical body!

I am talking about mental, emotional and spiritual self-care!

 

Today I would love to share with you why the other three layers of self-care are important and how to implement them in your everyday life!

 

Mental self-care

It is crucial to work on the mindset and self-talk in your life. Directing that mindset of yours onto the most positive and empowering path every single time is crucial for the wellbeing. The brain is the most flexible organ when it comes to training, rewiring and reprogramming its functions. The mindset is what creates your reality, and the thinking process is what will propel you to take actions you need to grow and progress in any area of your life.

Start today with daily affirmations and mantras. Catch yourself when thoughts are creeping in to tell you that you can’t do it and rewire them into the ones telling you that you are worthy and capable of doing it. Practice complimenting yourself every day, for every single thing you have or you did. Positive pep-talk is what will bring your mindset awareness of where you are headed to. Be mindful of how you talk about yourself to others, too.

 

Emotional self-care

Emotions and feelings are present in your life every day. There are no bad or good emotions. They are here to serve their purpose: to teach you, redirect your attention to another point or warn you about the upcoming events. It is very important that you give yourself the time to check in with your body and your emotions every single day. It is crucial to give your body the necessary care when it needs, especially when the emotions are very painful or overwhelming.

Practice that by starting your day with single-word body check-in: how do I feel today in my body? Once you recognize what it is that you feel, observe it, get curious why is it there. Don’t judge, rather ask yourself what you can do today to strengthen that emotion, honor it or make yourself feel better despite the pain. Journaling is a beautiful practice to let all of it go out of your mind and heart, pour it onto the paper during free-writing and distance yourself from it. Once that’s done you can see how your emotions don’t identify you, rather teach you some message or lesson. Be open to it, kind and acknowledge the fact that you are feeling them. Emotions are like the clouds on the beautiful blue sky.

 

Spiritual self-care

The spirituality is the connection with your highest self. It is literally taking care of being true and real, as the highest self would love to be. It is taking care of your deep needs; your alignment, lightness, freedom and what sparks your life every day. Without that deepest connection, the other layers of self-care will work for just a while until the spirit will scream for your attention again. Without the happy core which is your spirit, there is no happy heart, mind or body.

You can start doing that by meditation. However, what I found the most transformational for me is the simplest task on this planet. It is just laying down on the floor and doing nothing! As simple as that, yet extremely challenging. Stop thinking, planning, analyzing, judging. Put on hold even the emotions which you experience at that moment. Simply tell your brain and heart that right now there is a moment of silence and nothingness and just be. Another beautiful practice is the one I shared on my YouTube video, and that one is priceless! Trust me!!!

 

As you can see, the human being is little more complex than just physical body, its anatomy and physiology. It is a beautiful mind, heart and spirit and that makes you unique. The more you take care of all four layers of yourself, the more wholeness and worthiness you can bring into your existence.

 

How do you take care of yourself?

I would love to hear your ideas! Share them with us so we all can create beautiful routines and rituals for ourselves!

 

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

 

 

 

 

Life is love – how Spartan Race changed my life!

On January 2016, after accomplishing my first Spartan Race in SoCal, I said to myself: “I can carry the entire world on my shoulders now!”

And this is how everything started!

 

In November 2015, I got ‘invited’ by my fitness and lifestyle coach to participate in a Spartan Race with her team. I literally had never run longer than 1.5 km and that made me pass out at the finish line. I was a bodybuilder, that girl with huge legs and the massive amount of muscles. There was no way I could do ‘cardio’ longer than 30 minutes and that was limited to Stairmaster. “Nobody will ever make me run” was bouncing in my head. However, under the ‘pressure’ of my very smart coach, I signed up.

That was it. As a perfectionist and a fully committed to my goals athlete, I literally took the entire preparation into my hands and signed up to the local ninja gym to get my rope climb ready. All I wanted to master was rope climb. I knew in the worst case scenario I will end up doing 900 burpees during that Spartan Super run in SoCal Spartan Race in Temecula, CA. So, rope climb and burpees became my obsession for the next two months.

After I finished that race, the feeling of accomplishment was overwhelming. I have never felt like that. Not even after receiving my Ph.D. title or placing top three at my bodybuilding competition. The feeling of being able to do anything, including carrying the entire world on my own shoulders, was amazing. I felt high on life and I wanted more of it.

 

The 2016 year ended up with just one Trifecta. I am saying ‘just’ because something managed to stop me from getting more.

As I was preparing myself for the third race in April, and planning to do at least three more that year, I injured my knee. I was in a brace for a few weeks and not capable of doing a single long jump for several months. The discouragement and the feeling of being a personal failure crept in and all I wanted was to give up. However, not having healthy legs didn’t mean I couldn’t practice and train upper body. Wasn’t the upper body actually more important to complete the obstacles at Spartan Race, such as monkey bars, rope climb, twister, multi-rig and so on? So, there I was, in the brace and doing literally hundreds of pull-ups every day.

That entire life experience turned out to be a great lesson to the coach and a personal trainer like me. It not only taught me to look at the injuries through a more humbling lens but more importantly, to see how mental and personal commitments are crucial in perseverance. It motivated me even more to be a role model and show that physical injuries are not the end of the athletic lifestyle. It was a beginning of the journey called ‘how to love yourself through the obstacles that life puts in our way’.

After just five months after my injury, still not being able to fully jump or run, I created the beYOUtiful Team who raced with me (or rather I raced with them) in Breckenridge, CO, in Sprint Spartan Race. My team was extremely happy overrunning their coach, and I knew that I would allow them to do that again and again at any moment. I could see how the race which was changing my life, was changing their lives, too. I could see the happiness on their faces for not only beating their own trainer but accomplishing and completing something they would never think to be possible to do.

 

The path to becoming better was about to get started. I officially became a Spartan SGX coach.

In 2017 other life-changing events happened. I run multiple races and participated in the brutal events called Hurricane Heat. I was so high on life. I never felt more powerful before.

The Hurricane Heat 12 hour in Las Vegas, March 2017 was another one totally shifting my belief system and values in my life. For the first time in my life, I was tested mentally like never before. The past traumas and abuse were nothing compared to what I went through during that night. I learned one major lesson (and many, many more minor lessons), that we can do whatever we put our minds to. There were moments of total numbness in my body, where all I could do was repeating ‘step, step, step’ to myself and keep going. The HH12HR was the biggest challenge of my life, the best life lesson and my proudest moment.

 

In May 2017 something magical happened. At that time, I didn’t know it is going to be magical until after some time. However, the number of coincidental events happening around that race, in Colorado Springs at Fort Carson, was incredible. I had no clue why just a day before my friends left me alone to drive and race two races. I had never raced alone. But I did this time. I ran both of the days and in both cases, I managed to set my own personal records for both distances. In the meantime, I met cool friends and people, among them my future boyfriend. Yeay! That’s what happened!

After the first day, we couldn’t find each other on Instagram. We both knew that we just met someone we might possibly like but who clearly didn’t want to be in touch. It happens, it was just a race and we usually meet a lot of people. However, I knew that the next day he runs again, just 15 minutes earlier than me. I knew that all is in my hands. I ran so fast, that I not only set up another PR but caught up to him almost at the end of the race. I ‘screamed’ at him why didn’t he accept my invitation on Instagram. Surprisingly, he was asking me the same.

 

Who knew that two months later we would be a couple, four months later we would move in together and a year later we will proceed into another phase of our relationship.

One year later, at the same venue, in Colorado Springs at Fort Carson, I took my life fate again into my hands and decided to propose to my boyfriend. I was waiting for him at the finish line, with the medal in my left hand and the Spartan Groove Life silicone ring in my right hand. I was totally aware of the audience around cheering me on and I was even more aware of this what I was about to do.

 

I have never heard of any woman proposing first. Oh well, I do act on things which matter to me. So, I did that time again.

Spartan Race truly changed my life. It showed me what a real feeling of accomplishment is. It brought wonderful friends into my life. It gave me motivation, courage and mental strength to deal with my injuries. It taught me life lessons in the middle of the night. And it brought my fiancé into the life of a woman who went through abuse in past relationships and didn’t truly believe there was someone out there who could love her. Who could love her for being a crazy Spartan Lady. Who could be a crazy Spartan himself.

 

I am so lucky! I am such a happy Spartan Lady!

 

 

 

Once upon a time…… – the childhood memories of mine!

*** What made you happy when you were a kid? Find out and do that now. Seriously, go. Now.  ***

 

Someone recently said that whatever you were doing, effortlessly and joyfully, as a kid, that might be the clue to who you really are, who you want to be and what you truly want to do in your life. That could be your true passion!

Finding passion is not an active act of searching for, scrolling down million of pages, stalking others and copying the most successful person. Passion is something what you were born with, what you innately have within you and the only action you need to make now is to tap inside of you, listen and follow it.

But the question many of us have is how to do that?

My first response to that question is by simply giving yourself space and time to silence yourself, listen to that voice within you, feel and see what sparks you up.

 

However, to help you out little more, I would love to share this story with you.

 

As a kid, little Izabelka, I loved sacred moments, space and rituals. My mom told me that praying, going to the church, reading books and chanting them in the little corner in the bedroom, while kneeling and creating a little ritual around it was my thing. I could spend the entire afternoon by simply being with myself and spiritual beings. Whom I was talking or chanting to, nobody knows. What I was feeling and experiencing, nobody knows as well. Not even me. But I definitely loved it.

In meantime, I was a very responsible person of others and myself. I took good care of my younger siblings already at age of 3. I was quiet and peaceful. I was extremely kind and super helpful. I was serving others until I saw their happiness and smile. Because their smile was giving me the smile on my own face.

Since I remember, I lived my life by the saying ‘treat others as you want to be treated, love others as you want to be loved, be kind to others as you want to be kindly perceived, be honest as you want others to be trustworthy.’

I was extremely smart and humble. I was sensing others feelings and was very quickly ready to help them. I was an empath and sympathizer. The hurt, unfairness, and abuse to others were hurting my heart, too.

I loved flowers so much! I loved candles. I had my own altar, too.

 

The more I look at that Little Girl, the more I understand my life passion and purpose now.

There is nothing else more beautiful, magical and enlightening to me than helping others. There is nothing more nurturing than seeing others beautiful souls blooming and expanding. There is nothing more joyful than creating the world changes I want to see at every corner of this planet. There is nothing more aligned with me than being kind and loving to every human being, no matter the circumstances. There is nothing more freeing than loving people just the way they are. Because everyone is good at heart, and I always believed that. I always saw that in everybody’s eyes, no matter how dark they appeared at first.

There is nothing more lighting me up than the true, real, raw, vulnerable, and authentic self. The true identity of all of you. The one we innately have within.

 

This how I discovered who I really want to be, how do I want to live my life and what makes my soul feel at best. The feeling of being aligned with my highest purpose and myself.

 

Who did you want to be when you were a child?

How did that manifest in your adult life?

What did you dream of?

Did you follow your passion?

How does that look like to you now?

How would that look like if you were to follow it?

 

There is something truly magical happening when we tap into the childhood memories and connect with the Inner Child. There are so many answers there. There is the entire guide book there for us, accessible at any time and for free!

 

How do you feel now?

 

I love you, beautiful soul!

I am HERE. I am NOW. I am ME. ❤