Soul-inspired “habits”.

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I am a recovering addict from “personal development world”.

I have been in this ‘addiction’ for a few years so far. Definitely at the beginning, just like any addiction, it was fun, exotic, refreshing and oh gosh, how inspiring and opening the doors to a wider and broader, and even more adventurous, world!

However, the more I was getting swept into it, the more side-effects I could see.

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Don’t take me wrong. Every one of us is on the different level of personal growth and on a different page in our book called “Life”. I believe I wouldn’t be here without being ‘there’. I believe that we are in the place where we are because of the circumstances and experiences we lived through.

So today personal development and self-help have a totally different meaning & connotation to me than in the past.

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There is no universal ‘definition’ for those. You take it as you feel is right for you!

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For me, personal development got to the point where I felt rather restricted, limited and kind of paralyzed rather than actually growing. Some aspects made me cringe, others made me back off, so I started exploring. I knew there is something there for me to explore.

Why didn’t I feel inspired, empowered and growing anymore, as I used to?

Just like people ask me why don’t I workout obsessively, diet restrictively and live the fitness lifestyle I used to.

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I just simply outgrown all of that!

Here is my thing. The force, restrictions, rules, shoulds, expectations, resistance, obsession, push through, work hard, sleep less, and hustle just DO NOT work for me anymore. Artificial vision boards without actual feelings behind don’t mean anything to me. Wake up early, work late nights, don’t sleep – it is just a big no-no for me.

And that’s me!

Even though the definition of “development’ is: the process of developing or being developed; and the synonyms are: evolution, growth, maturing, expansion, or progress; I still prefer today to use the term “personal growth” or blossoming and blooming.

Today that self-work for me is oriented around how I want to feel while accomplishing my desires, what makes me feel lighten up, and how I can see and also create more abundance in my life.

  • It is about feeling in alignment with my values and priorities.
  • It is about feeling true with my actions.
  • It is being in peace with my decisions.
  • It is about knowing that ‘no’ is ‘no’ and ‘yes’ is ‘yes’.
  • It is about saying ‘hell yes’ when I am ready for.
  • And saying ’heck no’ to create healthy boundaries.
  • It is about being in a creative mode, without rush, rules or attachment.
  • It is about letting go of what doesn’t serve me.
  • It is about being in flow with my energies.
  • And it is about freaking rest, sleep and taking it at the pace which is right for me, not for the world.

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Today I would like to share with you the list of soul-inspired ‘habits’, ‘action steps’, or simple personal commitments to myself (whatever name you resonate with).

  • To have a pure, quiet, grounding and filled with gratitude time for myself and my soul in the morning and in the evening before bed.
  • To have a screen-free hour before bad to prepare my brain and body for the deserved deep rest.
  • To dance every day to move energies through and feel joyful.
  • To read and/or write poetry to feed my soul.
  • To walk to nature and connect with it in order to feel grounded and as a part of the Mother Earth.
  • To detox from social media at least a couple of days a week to create more space for my own thoughts, inspirations, inner voice, and emotions.
  • To have tea or kakao ritual to feel celebrated, acknowledged, and expensive.
  • To read a book and listen to the podcast which feed my heart, soul, and mind rather than make me fall into the comparison/anxiety trap.

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Those make me feel empowered, expensive, hopeful, grateful, passionate, and inspired. Those truly fill my wholeness with love, kindness, expansion, compassion and sacredness.

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What would be your soul-inspiring ‘action step’ you could set up for yourself?

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LOve ❤️❤️❤️

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YOU CAN WATCH MORE ABOUT THIS on my YouTube channel in the beYOUtiful episode #23!

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The Moment

Just writing this here on Monday, in February 2019, to remember.

The morning when I woke up without alarm clock, on my own terms, after getting an amazing nine hours of full night sleep. I remember feeling rejuvenated, fresh and ready to embark on my day.

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The morning tea, which I made with a tint of gratitude for my own herbs, hot water and electricity to be able to make that water boiling. The smell of the mint tea, just like in my mini herbal garden, made me feel relaxed and excited to sip on it.

—–

The morning routine the bathroom, where while changing I could express deep and loving gratitude for my body. Knowing where I came from and how hateful I was towards that creation, made me extremely thankful today and put smile on my face.

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The natural, organic and herbal salve for my face, which smelled beautifully and made me content with how I am choosing my cosmetics for my precious skin and body. That moment made my soul happy, too.

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The journaling and tracking my body’s physical, emotional, mental and spiritual qualities and seeing the pattern associated with my natural cycle. Just knowing that all nature, and me being part of it, lives in cyclical pattern, was very empowering.

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The morning breath, pause and movement, which brought me back to my body and to a present moment soothing my anxieties and stress. There would always be stress out there, but I knew that I could tap into trust and awareness at any time, that I have a choice and I could make it into a wonderful day.

—–

The content creating for my newsletter and my audience, where I truly could write with a full expression of myself and my voice, bringing into life powerful message that you all could resonate with and feel that are enough and worthy. This has been sparking my life since some time and I was beyond happy to do that.

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The music which could ease out any tense sensations, giving the opportunity for my hips to shake and move in any way they wanted. Engaging with it brought my body relief I craved since this morning, and other mornings, too.

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The workshop lead by life-changing, empowering and the most authentic woman I ever met, which created the space filled with energies of safety, openness and full expression of oneself. I couldn’t be more appreciative to be a part of such a circle.

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The meditation practice, when I could cry and smile, feel expansion and contraction, or sense stress and relief. During moments like that I know what trust, surrender and release is. During moments like that I know what self-love, compassion and gentleness is. Just being in that feeling when hurt is hurt and joy is joy, without overanalyzing, or putting labels of ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Priceless.

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The silence where I could hear my thoughts, my heart pounding, and my deepest and rooted true authentic self. The silence so quiet that it could trigger others, but me. It put a gentle arm around me comforting me, soothing and nurturing my heart, enlightening my soul and bringing joy to my craving Inner Child.

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I want to remember that the more love and time and energy and attention and generosity and kindness I give to myself, the more those things are available to give to others. ❤️

It is safe for me to be ME!

❤️

❤️

HOMESICK

One day I got homesick.

I haven’t seen my family, which is back in Europe, for almost 6 years. Due to many reasons, personal, professional, financial and other.

Today I got seriously home sick. I missed my Mom. I couldn’t stop crying, tears were dropping uncontrollably. They were releasing so much sadness. The deep longing for reconnecting to the woman who carried me in her womb, who raised me and who feels what I feel, was overwhelming.

It came suddenly, unplanned.

Yet, it was totally planned. Nothing happens without a reason. The Universe has its ways to communicate!

I don’t have kids. I wanted at some point in my life. But due to hormonal problems, such as PCOS, I knew I will either have difficulties to get pregnant or never be able to have kids. After trying for over one and a half years with my ex-husband, I gave up. In order for me to not get depressed, I convinced my mind and heart that it is ok. That I am sick and I can always enjoy the children in my family, among my friends and around me. I even volunteered for children mentorship organizations to fulfill what was missing in my life.

Whenever someone asked me about kids, my answer was very fast and straightforward: I don’t want to have kids. I won’t be a good mother and I believe I am being a more responsible person by not having them rather than giving them a bad example and a bad family.

The emotions about having one were scary, fearful, even to the point of being disgusted.

I also felt that I love my space.  I like living luxury life. I like being by myself. Kids would just destroy my beautiful, well organized environment which I could live by myself according to myself.

Recently, the situation in my relationship forced me to discuss the potential pregnancy with my fiancée. I am not sure why did I even ask about what we will do if that happens. I quickly concluded that I am having an abortion in that case. There is no space for a kid in my life. No, no, no.

Yet, the other day I wasn’t able to purchase a pregnancy test in the store. For the first time in my life all I could feel was my heart saying that all of it is in God’s and the Universe’s hands.

I came back home and I started crying.

Cried and cried, not knowing why at first.

I missed my mom!

I realized that I didn’t want to have kids, ever in my life, because I didn’t want them to hurt me as I hurt my mom.

I didn’t want them to leave me behind and abandon me as I did to my mom.

Since I was little, I knew my mission was to protect my mom. Protect her from my abusive dad. I saw her too often on the floor bleeding from kicks and punches from my dad. All I could do to protect her then was to make sure my younger siblings were quiet so my dad wouldn’t punish my mom even more. I knew I was helping her.

I was protecting her from abusive words during the family events, where my dad could call her a whore in front of hundreds of people. Her tears were my tears, her dishonored person was mine to carry.

I was protecting her every single time I could. And if there was a moment I couldn’t it was because I wasn’t present.

Then I left to college. I left her!

I left her in the place where there was no love for her. I left her with a person I deeply hated. I left her alone and weak, sad and depressed, yet so strong that she allowed me to go. With a smile on her face, eyes full of hope, body language expressing deep love and pain at the same time, she sent me to the outside world. That way I could go there and get an education and be an independent woman and a kind person to even my enemies, serve others and always forgive, as she forgave my father a long time ago.

How could she possibly do that?

How?

Because she is the strongest woman on this planet I have ever known.

Today, knowing how I hurt her, I know I don’t want to feel that hurt myself. I don’t want my kid to abandon me.

I don’t want my kid to tell me one day that she doesn’t want to live anymore. Because I did that, too, to my mom on my birthday, when she called me at the exact same time I was born 37 years earlier. I told her that I want to die, and I should have never been born.

I can just feel the sharp pain in her heart. Yet, she didn’t even move. She didn’t panic. She didn’t cry. That wonderful woman said words I will never forget.

‘Your birth gave me hope and it always will. So today I am telling you that there is hope! Stay with me baby girl and we both will make it work!’

– my MOM

So today I know that in order to love, forgive and live with hope, kindness, compassion and unlimited strength in my heart and soul, I need to feel pain, experience hurt and tears and keep moving. Through pain there is healing. Through pain I can become the true and authentic, loving and beautiful woman my Mom always wanted me to be. Just like her! And always loving my enemies! Just like her!

Today I am grateful for what I am being given, the wonderful gift of life, the wonderful Mother and the opportunity to give life and be a mother myself as well. Whatever it is meant for me to give birth to!

I LOVE YOU MOM!  ❤️

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2018: The year of pure transformation and life-changing lessons.

I was about to start this blog with a very plain title “The teachings of 2018”.

However, I thought that I’ll start with these life-changing conclusions first and elaborate on them next:

1. Slowing down is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of huge personal responsibility and strength.

2. Choosing differently every day is the most powerful tool ever.

3. Love is for free – you don’t need to do anything for it, you don’t need to work for it either!

Footnotes:

1. Boundaries are crucial.

2. Know your fears even the most shameful ones.

3. There is light in a tunnel, but you need to ask for help first and keep walking.

Conclusion:

I am ME, just the way I am and I will never be able to make everyone happy around me. Even if tried, I could end up making myself miserable before others and they are still not going to be happy.

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The biggest awakening came in my relationship, where I am still learning what unconditional love is. I dreamt about it since I was a little girl, yet never had any clue that one day I will be purely afraid of it. The fact that someone can love me for just who I am, without me needing to work for it, do things in return, become someone else, or fake it till I make it – is mind-blowing.

Love is for free. FREE.

And it comes from every angle of the life – no need to chase it, no need to be approved for it, no need to look for. No need to be different, too!  

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I learned how to say NO, set healthy boundaries and secure my own space for my own self-care and sanity. All done in the most loving way possible. Was everyone ok with that? NO, of course not. And that was totally fine with me.  

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I also learned that the only thing I am truly capable of doing is to make myself happy without expecting others to do it for me. It is just not fair to do so.

I started this year with fighting with extreme bulimia and depression. I wanted to be well. I knew that it’s out of my integrity to coach others battling with such disorders yet being affected myself so deeply. I needed to see the light in the tunnel… which I couldn’t for a long time. The help could come only when I asked for.

I understood that I have a free will, and nobody is going to cross that border unless I permit them to do so. This when “I need help” came out of my mouth and when it was delivered. Was is fast? Not at all. I learned in my life that things which are meaningful need real and affectionate work, with love, compassion, and acceptance. And all will happen at its own pace!

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This brings me to December this year when I decided to step back, slow down and rethink a lot of things in my life, especially my business, job, mission and life purpose. It was hard at first because I, as many of you, was wired to hustle, advertise, promote, chase and work hard for every single penny and client.

It was one of the most wonderful lessons to learn that slowing down is actually an act of strength and integrity.

I’ve never put something on social media that wasn’t sincere. If I’m having a bad day, I don’t say much. Because privacy is part of authentic wellness. And because I’m committed to offering hope- and love-bringing content. I go through the issue, I learn from it, I bring out the lessons from it and then I share it. I am a guide and teacher.

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Last, but not the least, is that I recognized the deepest fears of mine. Even writing them here makes me feel still ashamed and little uneasy. But I know how sharing them may help me and some of you who can resonate.

I am afraid of being happy, loved and successful.

Yes, I am. I didn’t realize until the end of this year how manipulation, procrastination and self-pity are huge in my life. I use them to protect myself in the most ‘artificial’ way. My ego feels safe when it’s in control. Experiencing pure love, happiness and success wasn’t in my cards in the past. When I see the huge opportunity for them in any form, my mind panics and retract. It feels afraid! And it does anything to not feel that way!

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Today I know that in 2019 my major goal will be to step out of that comfort zone and experience what’s meant for me!

That means – self-trust is the theme for next year!

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So, cheers to the 2019!!!

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  • What is your theme for 2019?
  • What are your lessons from 2018?
  • What are your goals for 2019?
















I am HERE. I am NOW. I am
ME. ❤



Where is this freaking self-love coming from?

How many times did you ask yourself that question?

I did at least a million times.

I saw all these beautiful posts, mantras, affirmations, illustrations, quotes, poems, books and posters, and all I did was nodding my head and repeating after them – ‘oh yes, yes, I know… yes, I love myself, yes, I care about myself’ – over and over again.

Oh gosh, how they didn’t resonate with me.

Oh gosh, how they didn’t sound familiar to me at all.

The more I immersed myself into it, the more frustrated I was getting.

What is all about that self-love?

How one can freaking actually love themselves?

It simply didn’t click at all.

I felt at times, like either my mind didn’t get it, or I did something wrong, or simply – self-love doesn’t exist. It was all blurry-type of marketing fame and that was it all.

I was actually right, at least with the first part of my statement. My mind didn’t get it because self-love is not mind’s job. Period!

Honestly, anytime my mind started spinning its chatter, I seriously needed to seat with it and make sure it shuts up so I could do my thing.

I was also right with the second part of my statement, that I was doing something wrong.

I was actually doing everything upside down, and all over again. I got myself in such a bundle of wires and knots that there was no way to see it through. I got to that point that I needed to scream loud to ask for help. I was doing all of it wrong, including self-help tools I intenden to use.

Self-love is the easiest thing ever if we let it be!!!

Self-love, as the name indicates, comes from within. WITHIN!

Read that again. From inside of you!

It doesn’t come from artificial affirmations which someonetold us to use, and you have no clue even how to embody them.

Self-love doesn’t come from a million self-care practices, amazing spa weekends and red roses.

Self-love doesn’t come from being needy and expecting others to make you happy. How unfair is that!

So where is it coming from, huh?

Here is my answer:

I was looking for self-love in money and a great job. And it didn’t show up. I was looking for it in validation, cuddles and external love from boyfriends and it didn’t show up either. I was looking for it even in the healthy lifestyle industry, by being fit, eating well, looking sexy, desired and admirable…. Well, it didn’t show up in there as well.

The more I was ‘looking’ for, the more I was discovering that it may actually not exists.

The beautiful self-love, that one I truly desired, and wanted to be a part of my life, was nowhere to be seen.

How did I want the self-love to show up in my life?

  • I wanted to be depression-free so I could have life purpose to get up every day.
  • I wanted to be suicidal-thoughts-free so I could appreciate the gift of life.
  • I wanted to be bulimia-free so I could be grateful for the body which did so much for me every day.
  • I wanted to be self-hatred-free so I could freaking finally love myself.

Purely. Unconditionally. Confidently. Authentically. Joyfully.

It came to me.

It came in a form I would have never expected.

Oh, how sad and mad, frustrated and angry, disappointed and upset I was.

And at the same time, how relieved I felt. How happy, truly, purely, authentically and joyfully happy!

It came in the form of the love from WITHIN.

❤ The moment when I cried feeling sadness, but I sat with it to understand why I was sad.

❤ The moment when I was alone with myself and stayed there to experience who I was.

❤ The moment when I joyfully danced and jumped in the park knowing that this made my heart smile.

❤ The moment when saying ‘NO’ was a blissful experience.

❤ The moment when I saw my depression as a cry of my soul to be loved and appreciated.

❤ The moment when the most important relationship I wanted to nurture was with myself first.

❤ The moment when my childhood abuse memories were coming back and I thanked them for showing up.

❤ The moment when I rebuild the connection with my Inner Child and saw her pain caused by me.

❤ The moment when looking at my naked body wasn’t filled with willingness to self-violate anymore.

❤ The moment when I was literally apologizing for every part of my body for abusing it for so long.

❤ The moment when I got my first period after over 15 years of faking it and getting rid of.

❤ The moment when I enjoyed being braless because I finally loved my femininity.

❤ The moment when I became a friend with my pain, weakness and mistakes – being grateful for their teachings.

❤ The moment when I literally could touch, smell and even taste my own blood knowing that this is freaking me.

And that will be me. Until I die.

Did I want to treat myself and my Inner Child in the abusive way as I was abused in my past?

Did I want to waste my body, my soul and heart because I didn’t see it as it ‘should be’?

No. Not anymore.

I understood.

That was me. That is me. Whole. Unique. Myself. With my ebbs and flows. With my vulnerabilities and superpowers. Enough. Loved. Joyful.

Me. My body, my cycle, my blood, my creative being!

Me. Naked. Dancing. Braless. Beautiful. Blissful. Sad and happy.

All of it and even more. ME.

This is a pure love I was longing for all my life!

It came to me!

And I was ready for her!

I want to express here the deepest gratitude that most of it wouldn’t be obtained without the help of amazing coaches and mentors I had on the path to rediscovering myself and ‘finding’that love which was truly always here, within. With some of them, I worked in person, being a part of their programs and tribes, and some of them impacted me very powerfully via their books, materials, podcasts and self-expression viadifferent platforms. 
Zlata Sushchik, Melinda Collins, Samantha Skelly, ElizabethDiAlto, Claire Baker, Danielle LaPorte, Gabby Bernstein, Red School with Alexandra Pope & Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer as the founders, Lisa Lister, and many more I haven’t listed, yet being so empowering on the journey to my own femininity.

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

Through bulimia to self-discovery

 

I was bulimic.

I hated myself.

 

Every day, I could see all the ads on self-love and overcoming eating disorders. Women of all sizes loving themselves.

‘How do they do that?’ – I asked myself every time.

 

‘What’s that hype about self-love?’

‘How does it work?’

‘What does it actually mean?’

‘How does that even feel to love oneself?’

 

I felt like I would learn the Chinese language faster than loving myself. I couldn’t picture the day when I could possibly like myself, all of it, the body, the mind, the life I had, all of it! I had an extremely hard time imagining this feeling.

 

I expected it to feel lightning, freeing, even fulfilling. Possibly expanding. Oh goodness, what should I do to maybe – just maybe – one day love myself? For just a minute, so I could experience that unconditional love to myself.

 

And…

that day came.

It was another extreme day with bulimia. Three times purging left my body weak again. It wasn’t new to me; it shouldn’t be new to my body either. The weakness kept me from being able to hold even a book. I felt exhausted. I felt tired. All I sensed was a pain in my stomach, a stabbing headache, and burning eyes. I couldn’t cry anymore.

I sat on the bed and looked in the mirror. I saw myself, overwhelmed, tired, and in pain. My skin was grey, my eyes were matte. There was not a single sign of life in me. A smile was foreign to my face. Joy was long forgotten. Compassion, kindness, and love didn’t exist.

I had no self-love.

I wanted to rip my skin. I hated my body badly. The hate in my eyes was the worst I have ever seen. I have never hated anyone in my life as I did myself right then, not even my abusive father.

That was a typical day for me, since I was a teenager, until…

 

A breath of my soul surfaced. A tiny tap on my shoulder told me to ask for help. I had no clue what to ask for, or how someone could help me.

 

But deep in my guts, I knew I won’t handle this anymore by myself. Deep down there I felt little voice asking me to seek help. That scared voice wanted me just to try, one more time. Ask!

‘I can’t do that anymore. Please help me, whoever is out there, please. I need help!!!” – I whispered.

 

And I went to bed.

Next couple of days were very ordinary. Today I know they were very special. Things felt on my lap unexpectedly. Not even remembering how and when anything happened, I was already filling in the application for the life coaching program.

 

I trusted.

The day when I had a call with the program coach, I knew that no matter what would I need to pay for it, or what effort would I need to make, I was already in. That was my chance! That was my help! That was the answer!

 

I trusted!

I started with learning about presence. Putting myself in the present moment to ‘just be’ was at first uncomfortable, yet interesting. I tried to meditate already two years before, but now the practice took me on a totally different path. I felt anxious, but I enjoyed it, more and more.

A connection between my body and mind started to emerge. I started asking my body what it likes to do and how it feels. Feeling into the visceral ‘yes’ and ‘no’ was a huge fun. I felt like a kid who just found a toy in the sandbox.

I began to recognize that it is okay to feel. Emotions were like clouds, they would come and they would pass. They didn’t identify me. I had never felt so relieved. I knew that it was safe for me to express my feelings. I tested it even in my daily life and it worked. I was so excited!

I was able to create a relationship between pain and joy, hurt and kindness, abuse and playfulness, anxiety and compassion, and fear and trust. What a combination. What a discovery – the pain was here for me to heal. The pain was here for me to learn. Triggers and fears were my teachers! At this point, I knew my life was already changed. I felt heavenly amused.

Being alone with my thoughts, emotions, and feelings was extremely transformational. Being alone was nurturing. Focused breath work was recharging. All those tools I had with me, all the time, and I never knew how to tap into the source and use them. I was capable of being, dreaming, loving, and forgiving.

It was exciting and anxious at the same time as I connected to my Inner Child. Memories from my abusive childhood were readily accessible, yet very scary. I blocked my memories from early age. Once I started discovering them, I wanted to run away at first.

I was in a huge pain seeing the hurt and pain of my mom and siblings. I was angry at my dad. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I couldn’t focus or meditate. I cried day after day. Forgiveness of him didn’t feel accessible, yet I knew in order for me to disconnect from the past I needed to let it go.

However, through that work, my patience and acceptance of those events and emotions had grown. I started healing. I realized that forgiveness would provide me with lightness, freedom, empowerment and unlimited beautiful energy.

So, I proceeded and I succeeded. I was very proud of myself to look into my dad’s eyes and not feel hate toward him anymore. I was so happy. I knew I can love unconditionally, even abuser of my childhood. I felt compassion like never before.

 

I felt reborn as a woman and Goddess, too. I became a woman who suddenly felt her body, sensed her emotions, desired sexual pleasure, expressed her true voice, exuded confidence and sensuality. I shifted from hating every inch of my body, vagina, and breasts to wanting to be naked. I wanted to dance, make love, and touch myself. I wanted to connect to every part of my body and express my love.

 

A little tap on my shoulder on that day started a beautiful and magical process of rediscovering my true self and uncovering my femininity. Vulnerability and sensuality became my superpowers.

 

There is a helpful hand waiting for you. You just need to ask for it and be open to receiving it.

Ask for it because you deserve it.

Ask for it because your voice, gifts and Inner Child deserve to speak up and live the beautiful life of alignment and lightness!

 

Be the love and light for yourself!  Be YOU!

❤️

The path to redefining and rediscovering the love in my life

“If you don’t believe in love, what’s the point in living?” -Ron Swanson

 

I remember the beginning of the journey to so-called ‘self-love’. The task was to tell myself twelve times the affirmation “I love myself”. To made this more profound and actually working, I was supposed to be looking at myself in the mirror, straight into my own eyes. All was supposed to happen after I woke up, so no other thoughts were in my mind yet.

The task was easy in its description, yet it was the hardest one I have ever endured. Or at least tried.

You may ask me, ‘did it work”?

‘Is this why you are now so self-loving?’

 

Unfortunately, not.

That task was extremely hard to perform and follow through. The entire process felt heavy on my heart. I became more resentful, and actually more resistant every day. The more I was repeating these words, the more disbelieving I felt.

  • I started doubting the actual task and its effects.
  • I was wondering how other women managed to go through it and get to that beautiful place of self-love.
  • I doubted the affirmations itself, too.

 

Today, I believe that affirmations work, but only when they are aligned with your core desired values.

I believe that before we start repeating the affirmations, we need to evaluate our core desired values first. It is crucial to see and feel what you are actually craving the most… and what it is that needs your attention the most.

 

I started asking myself the questions, which I invite you to ask yourself today, too:

  • What did you love doing as a kid?
  • What do you crave in the life?
  • What comes so naturally to you and it flows with an ease?
  • What matters to you the most?
  • What sparks your heart and brings a smile on your face?
  • What do you stand for?
  • What you can’t tolerate at all?
  • What are you VERY CLEAR that you DO NOT want in your life?

 

The clear list of things I truly desired and things I knew deep inside of my heart that I never wanted to deal with was a start point to start talking to myself in a more kind, positive and loving way.

That core desired feelings allowed me to see what I wanted to commit to in my life.

The clear and pure desires were the foundation to set up the self-love on.

 

I knew what I wanted in my life.

I didn’t know HOW to get that, yet. But ‘how’ wasn’t important then. The most important thing was to rewire my mind onto the path of affirming beautiful words and beliefs to myself.

 

So, I started by telling myself:

‘I may not love myself yet, but I am on the path to living the life where accepting and liking my body will be natural and easy.’

‘I may not know how to nurture myself yet, but I am totally on the path to start with small self-care practices and see how they make me feel.’

 

I kept telling myself that phrase that ‘I am in the process…’ every day the entire day and everything was getting easier. I knew what I desired and now I was collaborating with my own mind.

My mind was very happy by these conversations, and all affirmations felt compatible with what I truly wanted in my life. I spontaneously was choosing better actions and steps throughout the day and that felt so amazing.

Constant dialog with myself that I was in the process of becoming the highest version of myself lightened me up and motivated to keep doing what I was doing.

More and more beautiful things started falling into place. There were bumps, but it became easier to walk through them. There were pains and tears, but acceptance was something that I was choosing then.

 

Today I know, that I would never ever change the trajectory of my own journey towards self-love. I know that the best gift I could ever give myself is true, deep and sparkly self-love I have to myself now.

 

I know that there is not a better gift than the guidance to self-love that I could give to anybody I care about.

 

*** How did your journey to self-love look like?

*** How does this journey look like right now?

 

 

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤

 

Enjoyment of the moment

 

“WHEN I STAND BEFORE GOD AT THE END OF MY LIFE, I WOULD HOPE THAT I WOULD NOT HAVE A SINGLE BIT OF TALENT AND TIME LEFT, AND COULD SAY THAT I USED EVERYTHING YOU GAVE ME, GOD!”

– Erma Bombeck

 

“I want to be happy in my life!”

 

That’s the most repeated phrase after “I love you”. Happiness is that ONE thing we all chase and long for. The happiness has as many faces as people on this planet.

 

As I sit on my pillow, my hand writes down one of the most beautiful words, which seemed like a cry of my soul. The happy cry, the aha-moment cry, the Eureka cry – the realization cry of what happiness is for me.

Today I share with you that deep, vulnerable and empowering desires!

 

“I truly want to be happy in my life!

I don’t want to do what doesn’t spark me.

The last few weeks of hustling to post the most inspiring words on social media, following all other inspiring coaches and women, comparing myself to others just made me feel very fearful, miserable, unhappy, not present and not appreciative of what I have right now in my life.

I realized that the hustle may not be for me.

The rat race and money chasing may totally be out of my life or happiness definition.

 

It hit me how much I want to organically inspire, motivate, help and be of service to others, just be being the truest version of myself.

 

And, I also want to enjoy life! I truly do.

I want to enjoy time with my partner instead of being stressed about not doing enough.

I want to enjoy the healthy food and have fun with it instead of being miserable and obsessed with my body image.

I want to enjoy the movements of my body, workouts, and dance instead of punishing and hurting my body.

I want to be healthy and fit and go places instead of being overstressed and frozen in the hustle mode.

I want to enjoy the cozy, loving and safe place and home instead of chasing huge and cold villas.

I want to enjoy my garden full of herbs and nature instead of feeling that this is a waste of time.

I want to enjoy doing new things and build memories with my fiancée and friends instead of being a workaholic.

I want to connect with people on a personal level instead of being fake and copy-monkey social media guru.

I want to enjoy small groups meetings and retreats where true connection, magic, love, self-expression, and beautiful transformations happen instead of hiding from the overwhelm of this world.

 

I want to feel happy and proud of myself at the end of the day. I want to know that I did everything in all my abilities to love and be loved. I want to be content knowing that my time was very well spent with all I have. I want to live being appreciative of my life every second.

 

I want to give it a time – a time to listen to myself, a time to hear what the Universe has to say, a time to flow with what it’s meant for me.

I want to focus on my emotions, body, and cycle.

I want to be appreciative of every moment.

I want to express love every day.

I want to be in the flow.

I want to just be, in the present moment

And I want to be patient to be able to see and feel what lights me up. “

 

What does happiness mean to you? ❤

 

 

 

 

 

Letter to my Inner Child

Dear Izabelka,

Dear my beloved Inner Child,

 

I wanted to start with the words of apologies and then words of appreciation!

 

I want to apologize for abandoning you for all my life.

I want to apologize for not hearing your voice, your scream and begging to be saved, protected and loved.

I want to apologize, from the depth of my heart, for not seeing your innocent beauty.

I want to apologize for being blind and deaf to your presence.

I want to apologize and beg for your forgiveness today.

 

Because today I realized how scared you’ve been. I can see how lonely you’ve been all the life despite me being so close. I know I left you behind, like the most cold-hearted person, and refused to listen, hear and feel you. I admit that I lived as a one-minded person who tried all her life to dismiss the deepest emotions of yours. I am aware of how zombie-like life I was creating without incorporating you in it. I apologize Izabelka.

 

I am so grateful that you are still with me.

I am so grateful that I came back home and recognized your presence.

I am so appreciative for reuniting with the biggest love of mine, you.

I am so happy I could see how scared you were and provide you with safety, we both so needed.

I am thankful to see how much you’ve been craving love and start giving it to both of us.

I am so happy you are with me!

 

You are the bravest and the strongest woman I have ever met!

How wonderful is that to share the life, love, magic and the beauty with you!

I love you to the moon and back! ❤

 

I promise to never ever leave you alone.

I promise to never ever leave you unprotected and insecure.

I promise to never ever leave you unloved.

 

Yours forever,

Izabela

‘I just want to tell you that you are safe.’ as soon as I said that, she hugged me again on my hips and I could hear her little and quick breath of relief. Her body relaxed and she kept holding onto me. It appeared to me as she wanted to stay with me. So, I decided to be there just for her. ‘You are safe’.  She repeated ‘I am safe, I am safe, I am safe.’

[excerpt from my book “True Identity” – Summer 2018]

The wonderful power of “yes”

The movie I am about to share is called “Yes man” with Jim Carrey. Yes, it is a comedy.

How funny is that that I usually don’t watch comedies, especially American comedies, because as a foreigner many times I found myself frustrated not knowing what they are joking about or simply not understanding this type of humor. However, as part of the Valentine’s Day promise to myself that I want to spend it with a free spirit, totally joyful and playful, we decided to watch this comedy.

The movie was funny and powerful at the same time. I am not going to elaborate on the story or jokes. I would love to, however, bring attention to the lessons and conclusions I took from it and I found very magical. I want to deliver them to you so they can empower you as they did for me!

 

How does saying ‘no’ play a role in our life?

We say ‘no’ to the friend’s wedding invitations, we say ‘no’ to the stranger on the street needing help, we say ‘no’, I don’t have time, to the spouse or kids, we say ‘no’ to ourselves a million times a day. Am I wrong? If yes, please comment below and call me out on that! I’ll take it!

 

How does saying ‘yes’ to the opportunities in your life play a role for you?

I bet, there are many opportunities in your life such changing the job, quitting smoking, deciding on healthier food choices, breaking up with the toxic relationship, publishing a book, opening a business you dream about, saying ‘I love you”, or becoming a happier and funnier person. How many of those have you literally overlooked, or intentionally missed, or simply said ‘no’ to?

Again, I am 100% confident, that you did, and most likely to many of those. They showed up in your life, your intuition told you to go for it, and your fearful mindset just blew the chance out! How do you feel about it? Fulfilled? Happy? Empowered? Or maybe like a loser? Or hopeless?

 

That movie showed with simple life stories what is the life of constant ‘no’ to the living versus a life with ‘yes’ to the opportunities. And, at the same time as in the movie, there is a limit of saying ‘no’ or ‘yes’ to the situations or people. We are constantly reminded of the fact that we need to learn how to say ’no’ to so many things, events, and people in order to protect our time, energy and boundaries. However, we are never told that the word ‘yes’ is as powerful as it can be in its own meaning.

 

The moment you say ‘yes’ to the opportunity, it is like putting the key in the lock and twisting it. Suddenly the door squeak and release showing you just a little hole to peak through it. That little space to look through gives you the image of a totally different view, just like in The Secret Garden movie.

Don’t you want to go there and explore? Aren’t you curious what your life might bring once you give it a chance?

I can’t express more how exciting it is to say ‘yes’ to the opportunity, which may seem super scary at first, but how wonderfully inviting it is to the eyes of those who commit.

Don’t be a loser! Don’t give up on your dreams.

Don’t regret that you didn’t say ‘yes’ to the possibilities which your life presented you today!!!

 

You got this beYOUtiful! ❤