I was about to start this blog with a very plain title “The teachings of 2018”.
However, I thought that I’ll start with these life-changing conclusions first and elaborate on them next:
1. Slowing down is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of huge personal responsibility and strength.
2. Choosing differently every day is the most powerful tool ever.
3. Love is for free – you don’t need to do anything for it, you don’t need to work for it either!
1. Boundaries are crucial.
2. Know your fears even the most shameful ones.
3. There is light in a tunnel, but you need to ask for help first and keep walking.
I am ME, just the way I am and I will never be able to make everyone happy around me. Even if tried, I could end up making myself miserable before others and they are still not going to be happy.
The biggest awakening came in my relationship, where I am still learning what unconditional love is. I dreamt about it since I was a little girl, yet never had any clue that one day I will be purely afraid of it. The fact that someone can love me for just who I am, without me needing to work for it, do things in return, become someone else, or fake it till I make it – is mind-blowing.
Love is for free. FREE.
And it comes from every angle of the life – no need to chase it, no need to be approved for it, no need to look for. No need to be different, too!
I learned how to say NO, set healthy boundaries and secure my own space for my own self-care and sanity. All done in the most loving way possible. Was everyone ok with that? NO, of course not. And that was totally fine with me.
I also learned that the only thing I am truly capable of doing is to make myself happy without expecting others to do it for me. It is just not fair to do so.
I started this year with fighting with extreme bulimia and depression. I wanted to be well. I knew that it’s out of my integrity to coach others battling with such disorders yet being affected myself so deeply. I needed to see the light in the tunnel… which I couldn’t for a long time. The help could come only when I asked for.
I understood that I have a free will, and nobody is going to cross that border unless I permit them to do so. This when “I need help” came out of my mouth and when it was delivered. Was is fast? Not at all. I learned in my life that things which are meaningful need real and affectionate work, with love, compassion, and acceptance. And all will happen at its own pace!
This brings me to December this year when I decided to step back, slow down and rethink a lot of things in my life, especially my business, job, mission and life purpose. It was hard at first because I, as many of you, was wired to hustle, advertise, promote, chase and work hard for every single penny and client.
It was one of the most wonderful lessons to learn that slowing down is actually an act of strength and integrity.
I’ve never put something on social media that wasn’t sincere. If I’m having a bad day, I don’t say much. Because privacy is part of authentic wellness. And because I’m committed to offering hope- and love-bringing content. I go through the issue, I learn from it, I bring out the lessons from it and then I share it. I am a guide and teacher.
Last, but not the least, is that I recognized the deepest fears of mine. Even writing them here makes me feel still ashamed and little uneasy. But I know how sharing them may help me and some of you who can resonate.
I am afraid of being happy, loved and successful.
Yes, I am. I didn’t realize until the end of this year how manipulation, procrastination and self-pity are huge in my life. I use them to protect myself in the most ‘artificial’ way. My ego feels safe when it’s in control. Experiencing pure love, happiness and success wasn’t in my cards in the past. When I see the huge opportunity for them in any form, my mind panics and retract. It feels afraid! And it does anything to not feel that way!
Today I know that in 2019 my major goal will be to step out of that comfort zone and experience what’s meant for me!
That means – self-trust is the theme for next year!
So, cheers to the 2019!!!
- What is your theme for 2019?
- What are your lessons from 2018?
- What are your goals for 2019?
I am HERE. I am NOW. I am ME. ❤