Do you live in the reality where you were told that some things in this world are just bad? Do you interact with people who constantly bombard you with judgment and opinions? Do you create your own world around those notions, thoughts, stories and beliefs that you gathered during your life, and that are not necessarily true?
Where am I headed to with those questions? What does that have to do with nut butter?
Oh, let me tell you my story.
I have never shared this before.
The entire world believes that being a bodybuilder, looking wonderfully lean and muscular, fit and athletic, is the healthiest thing someone could get involved in. There is no bigger misinterpretation than that. The myth of “healthy” bodybuilding can be easily debunked. I did look awesome, the best ever in my life, that’s true. Have I worked hard? Oh, heck yes, the hardest “job” I have ever done was getting ready for that stage. The limitations, deprivations, rules and what’s good and what’s totally not good or allowed, losing the social life, having no time for anything but gym, are the major “bonuses” to it. Moreover, I consider these even better: insomnia during the night, sleepiness during the day, lack of period, total lack of energy, adrenal fatigue, hypothyroidism and extreme food intolerance.
What I found the most incredible during that time is the way to look at the food and the body. Being at 7% body fat on the stage is an indication of your well-done work, and then gaining 2 pounds is considered not good anymore.
But where did I lose the main character of this story, nut butter? The cheat meal or carbing up by eating pizza, donuts and the crappiest food on this planet, was considered “good” and “beneficial” for your gains. However, eating healthy, full of good nutrients and good fats, nut butter, was the worst thing you could even think of, totally sabotaging your progress. Having this type of “cheat meal” was making me fat, over night actually, and thanks to it I most likely wouldn’t be able to step on the stage.
Do you follow me? Do you see the story behind it? Do you see the misleading beliefs here?
Where am I headed with that now?
Here it is. The bodybuilding world doesn’t talk about, but 85% girls start with it because they either have already underlying eating disorders and body image issues, or they end up with that after pursuing that journey. And I was on both sides. Yes, I am a girl who suffered bulimia and anorexia as a teenager, in mid and late 20s, and of course the “exciting” disorder became more dangerous after competitions. Every single pound is an obsession, every single bite of food is making me fat overnight. Every single spoon of that freaking nut butter is sabotaging all my athletic performance. But wait, what if I eat pizza, or donuts – then I should be fine, right?!
Do you see where I am getting to?
The messed-up stories and beliefs someone told me during that time, create the person I am now. And if you are me, you hate your body, you binge, then purge and hate yourself even more. And the vicious cycle is never going to end unless you stop yourself, you literally get yourself into the silent place, remove the worldly distractions and ask yourself the major question: what problem, emotions, pain, feelings, or issue am I trying to numb with food or any other addiction?
The root of that addiction was somewhere deep inside of me. Exactly like the root of my love-hate feelings toward a simple food like nut butter. Why was I loving it and hating it just after I ate it? Why was I craving it, even though I wasn’t hungry, so I could purge afterwards? Why was I even buying it, if it was making me so overly fat?? WHY?
Because the root of that was simple: someone told me that this type of food is making me fat. That nut butter will make me weak. That this food will make me perform bad. That thanks to this food I better stop pursuing whatever athletic and sport goals I had. Because I am going to fail…if I keep eating it. I am not exaggerating this story. It is my real, deep and true story.
So, if you still reading, listen: dig deep inside of your soul and heart, allow yourself to feel it, to think, to be in the moments with yourself, your memories – even if they are painful. Pain is the best teacher we could ever have in this world.
Use it wisely!
You got this beYOUtiful! ❤